Talks and Training

Clare Murphy PhD Counsellor Supervisor Trainer Researcher speakoutloud about coercive control and psychological abuse

Clare Murphy PhD Counsellor Supervisor Trainer Researcher

I tailor my talks, workshops and training to your specific needs.
As a guide, see the trainings I’ve given to various audiences.

Contact Clare Here.

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28th May 2015

Half day Workshop for Centacare SCOPE Regional Domestic and Family Violence service.

Deepening your understanding of male perpetrators of intimate partner violence and coercive control and How female victims cope. Recognise how men’s relationships with men shape their relationships with women.
Speakoutloud.net Clare Murphy PhD

Wednesday 25 March 2015

Talk titled: Preventing Violent Masculinities: Moving Towards a Counterstory of Young Men Caring about Themselves and Others.

Presented at Public forum: School Sexuality Education as Violence Prevention. Family Planning Queensland (FPQ) in partnership with the Australia Forum on Sexuality, Education and Health (AFSEH).

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21st May 2015

Half day Workshop for Coordinated Community Response to Domestic Violence (CCR2DV) of Moreton Bay and Surrounds

Deepening your understanding of male perpetrators of intimate partner violence and coercive control and How female victims cope. Recognise how men’s relationships with men shape their relationships with women.

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October 2014

Talk to Services and Practitioners at 6th Annual SPEAQ Forum.

What kind of man? Practice tools that build personal insight for men about the mask they wear, the man behind the mask and the impact that may have on abusive and controlling behaviours.

DSC02966Wednesday 19th May 2014 – 1 hour talk

SAFETINET Interagency Network for Domestic Violence

Deepening an Understanding of Men’s Psychological Abuse Against Female Partners

Domestic violence is not cyclical — there is no honeymoon period for women whose male partners engage in an ongoing campaign of coercive control — whether he ever uses physical violence or not. Women who enter a relationship with a man they love and trust end up confused, ashamed, and driven crazy when that man simultaneously engages in a range of contradictory subtle, covert control tactics that are mostly unseen or minimised by outsiders. Clare Murphy draws from international research plus the voices of women and men she interviewed for her Masters and PhD research to explain psychological abuse from their perspectives. In this hour’s talk Clare will explain:

• Patterns of coercive control tactics used by male perpetrators
• Some social influences on how women cope with being controlled
• Some social influences on men’s choice to control their female partner

Monday 14th April 2014; 10th June 2013; 21st May 2012 – 3hr seminar

UNITEC Post Grad Diploma in Counselling students, Auckland

Unmasking myths about domestic violence: What counsellors need to know to enhance safety of women and children

When counsellors carry popular understandings of domestic violence this can lead to some unsafe practices. Dr Clare Murphy dispels myths about family violence. She defines the difference between the dynamics in “healthy” relationships, as compared with the dynamics of domestic violence. Clare explains what is meant by psychological abuse, outlines the causes of men’s abuse of female partners, describes the effects on women and some ways that women cope. Clare helps participants integrate counselling guidelines when working with women clients.

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Sunday 5th May 2013 – One day workshop:

Lifeline Counsellors, Hamilton, Waikato

Why doesn’t she leave?: How to support victims coping with domestic violence

There are different forms of domestic violence — some are more severe than others. The most severe form entails an ongoing pattern of coercive control. This is the form that is more likely to end up in the courts, more likely to lead to murder, more likely to entrap the victim. It is also the form that is more likely to be perpetrated by males against females. Although the main focus at this workshop will entail providing tips for responding to men’s coercive control against female partners, these tips will be appropriate for responding to coercive control perpetrated by females against male partners and in same-sex relationships. Clare will explain the complexities involved in why men abuse and will discuss the stages women go through in coping with the abuse and she will help you engage in role plays to practice ways to respond.

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Friday 4th April 2014 and Thursday 28th March 2013 & 22 March 2012

UNITEC students studying Bachelor of Social Work, Auckland

The experience with no name: How women cope with being psychologically abused

Dr Clare Murphy outlines some of the social influences on the way women make sense of being psychologically controlled by the man they love and trust. One such influence is the lack of social discourse about this insidious and debilitating problem.

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Friday 2nd November 2012

Counsellors at Home & Family Counselling, North Shore & Mt Eden, Auckland

“We have to keep our manhood intact”: Using a masculinities framework to counsel men who coercively control their female partners

Topics covered:

  • Hierarchies of masculinities
  • Men’s contradictory desires – love, caring relationship and desire to be the master and have a partner be the slave
  • One of the strongest influences on men’s behaviour – other men
  • Men’s beliefs that drive their coercive behaviours
  • Men’s reluctance to change
  • Ideas for working with men
  • Fathering styles by men who abuse their children’s mother
  • What children want

Tuesday-Thursday 6-9 August 2012

Violence Against Women Queensland Conference: An Inconvenient Reality
Victoria Park Golf Course, Herston, Brisbane

Plenary Session Paper Title: Restoring Dignity through a Network of Accountability

Men I interviewed for my PhD research discussed their motivations for attempting to maintain a position mid to high on the hierarchy of masculinities and attempting to avoid behaviours considered low status.  Acting as master of the house and expecting women’s servitude represent high status masculine behaviours, which are contemporary socially honoured ways of being a man. Some men are driven to control women so they can gain symbolic rewards, such as respect and acceptance. Yet, many men crave a close caring relationship. But love, vulnerability, empathy and compromising with women are considered low status weak ways of behaving as a man. The brutalising socialisation of men leads many men to suppress half their humanity. Individual men need to be accountable for the harm they cause to women and children. And we are all accountable for parts we play in maintaining hierarchical social structures. Accountability processes need to open doors to shared humanity. We need a network of accountability that requires all of us to give honour, respect and acceptance to those men who embrace their full humanity – for showing love, care, empathy and compassion – for themselves and for others.

Monday 28 May 2012

Workshop at the Family Violence Symposium – Strengthening Systems to Eliminate Family Violence, Wellington, NZ — Families Commission and New Zealand Family Violence Clearinghouse

Workshop Title: Tools for building and sustaining effective collaborations

This workshop points the way to helpful tools and checklists for achieving specific aspects considered critical to the effective functioning of collaborative family violence initiatives. The range of guidelines covered include: information sharing protocols; building bridges between child protection and women victim services; taking a common approach to risk assessment; resources for working with different population groups including Maori, people with disabilities, older women, LGBT communities, refugee and migrant communities; conflict resolution amongst collaborative partners; resources to aid prevention initiatives; guidelines to gender analysis; governance models; safety and accountability processes; and tips for evaluating your family violence network.

Friday 21 October 2011

A one day workshop
Collaboration Against Family Violence, Dunedin, NZ

“Making Sure Our Manhood Stays Intact”: Domestic Violence and the significance of masculinities

Early feminist understandings of men who perpetrate intimate partner abuse stem mainly from women’s experiences or from quantitative studies with men. This lack of knowledge from men’s perspectives limits the potential for effective and enduring interventions. In this presentation Dr Clare Murphy draws on international research and her own PhD research with men who admitted to abusing and controlling their female partners. Clare demonstrates how hierarchies of masculinities and men’s relationships with men play pivotal roles in men’s motivations to abuse and control their female partners and in their hesitancy to change. Understanding multiple sides of men’s experiences of power and powerlessness is imperative for prevention and intervention strategies.

Wednesday 3 August 2011

Plunket North Shore and Central City, Auckland, New Zealand

“A Deeper Look at Psychological Abuse by Male Partners and the Effects on Women”

Dr Clare Murphy outlines a broad range of tactics that some men use to control female partners. She then describes some of the physical and psychological signs that could alert Plunket Nurses to the possibility that a woman may be experiencing abuse and control by her partner.

Monday 11 July 2011

Call-Out Volunteers at SHINE (Safer Homes in New Zealand Everyday), Kingsland, Auckland

“Psychological Abuse: A glimpse into how women cope when their male partner controls them”

Dr Clare Murphy introduces the power and control wheel she devised in response to her Masters research with women who’d been psychologically abused and controlled by their male partner. Clare discusses why she adapted the Duluth Wheel and some of her important findings from in-depth interviews with women.

Monday 27 June 2011

Advocates at SHINE (Safer Homes in New Zealand Everyday), Kingsland, Auckland

“The Experience with No Name: Understanding women’s territory so you can help her identify psychological abuse”

Dr Clare Murphy outlines some of the social influences on the way women make sense of being psychologically controlled by the man they love and trust. One such influence is the lack of social discourse about this insidious and debilitating problem.

Monday 13 June 2011

NZAC (New Zealand Association of Counsellors) North Shore, Auckland

“What Motivates Men to Psychologically Abuse and Control their Female Partners?”

Dr Clare Murphy defines psychological abuse, touches on influences on men’s behaviours using the Social Ecological Model, then how social hierarchies mimic the family violence process. Clare then uses an interactive approach to explore the audience’s understanding of a hierarchy of masculinities amongst boys and men and some ways boys are socialised into such a hierarchy. Many men cover up their full humanity in order to avoid a low position on hierarchies of masculinities. Clare explains the implication for understanding men’s motivation to control their female partners.

Friday 29 October 2010

A one-day interactive workshop (Invitation only event)
Queensland State-wide Network of Men’s Stopping Violence Programmes – Brisbane, Queensland, Australia

“Male Perpetrators’ masculinities and social influences: Applying a contemporary theory to practice in men’s groups”

Dr Clare Murphy introduces the subtle, hidden complexities and contradictions of male perpetrators of intimate partner abuse and the social influences that set the foundation for male-to-female abuse such as sexual harassment in the workplace, incest, stranger and acquaintance rape, wife rape, domestic violence, and murder.

In this workshop Clare breaks away from convenient black and white understandings of gender and power. Clare draws from her own research and several international in-depth studies with male perpetrators to unearth the ways men’s masculinities are practiced differently across different social situations according to men’s experiences of power and powerlessness. Research shows many male perpetrators of domestic violence do in fact have pro-social skills, knowledges, abilities, fears, vulnerabilities, weaknesses – and reveals desires for caring relationships amongst men – and for lifelong, loving, close relationships with women. Understanding multiple sides of men’s stories is imperative for preventing abuse and control of women.

Some key components that Clare will discuss:

  • Ways men’s relationships with men shape their relationships with women
  • How hierarchies of masculinities amongst men are played out and influence abuse of women
  • The roles homophobia and fear of femininity have in abusing women
  • How some men reconcile mixed social messages that encourage hitting, abusing and using women versus messages that discourage this. Such as – “bad boys get the girls” versus “boys don’t hit girls”
  • Deliberate strategies some men use to decide who to abuse, which tactic to use, where and when to abuse them
  • A major focus in this workshop will be on men’s motivations. This will help explain why men – even with similar life experiences – do not all go on to abuse and control their partners
  • Multiple social influences that help shape men’s motivations and behaviours – including influences at school, the pub, workplace and sporting arena
  • Clare uses two contemporary pro-feminist theories – Raewyn Connell’s theory of masculinities and Pierre Bourdieu’s field theory. There will be opportunities throughout the training day to discuss how participants might put this complex theory into practice and how to build or adapt work with men to incorporate the social influences on men’s use of violence and control

Friday 25 June 2010

presented at the New Zealand Association of Counsellors Research Conference. Bethlehem Tertiary Institute – Tauranga, New Zealand

“Complex Realities about Domestic Violence: What counsellors need to know to ensure the safety of women and children”

The movie Once Were Warriors feeds into stereotypes about domestic violence – that perpetrators are non-white, out-of-control, alcohol-fueled, deviant men. In reality, white middle-upper class men beat, abuse and control their well-educated wives, only about 10% of male perpetrators have a mental illness, men who use alcohol hit their partners when sober and men who never use alcohol beat their wives.

Domestic violence does not always entail physical violence. In reality, men’s abuse against female partners entails an ongoing pattern of subtle, hidden, insidious tactics of power and control – this sometimes entails physical violence, but more often it does not. Many people question why women don’t just leave. However, if a woman threatens to, or actually does leave, her chance of being murdered increases by 30-70%.

Domestic violence differs from mutually abusive relationships. It’s about a one-sided form of power and control, with a long history that has given husbands legal and religious entitlement to control their wives. This historical discourse remains interwoven through the fabric of contemporary society and influences some men more than others.

This presentation will increase counsellors’ understandings of the complexities of domestic violence – with the ultimate aim of enhancing women’s and children’s safety.

Sunday 20 June 2010

A one-day interactive workshop (Invitation only event)
Lifeline Waikato – Hamilton, New Zealand

“Why Doesn’t She Leave? How to support women coping with domestic violence by their male partner”

This workshop challenges popular assumptions such as: women can simply choose to walk away; there is nothing stopping her from leaving; leaving is the right and safest option; women passively put up with the abuse; and, women are codependent, or masochistic. Participants learn about the hidden dynamics of domestic violence. Clare compares a “healthy” relationship that entails occasional disrespect or abuse, a mutually abusive relationship, and a relationship that fits the legal definition of domestic violence. Clare explains complexities involved in why men abuse and control their partners and the personal and social barriers that prevent women from leaving. Clare discusses the stages women may go through in coping with the abuse and she helps counsellors engage in role plays to increase understanding of women at each stage and offers ways counsellors may respond.

Friday 4 June 2010

North Harbour Living Without Violence – Takapuna, North Shore City, New Zealand

“Using Contemporary Feminist Ideas to Up-skill Practice in Men’s Stopping Violence Groups”

Feminist theories have moved away from arguing that all men are real or potential villains – an extension of a patriarchal order whereby all women are perceived as real or potential victims. Contemporary feminist theories argue instead, that not all men abuse their partners, that many men practice egalitarianism and that men’s masculine behaviours are complex, relational and contextual.

But there is still a tendency to assume male perpetrators draw on some fixed notion of a “traditional masculinity” – yet there is no such thing. And that to understand domestic violence, it is assumed men’s relationships with women are key to understanding the problem.

However when men are interviewed in-depth it becomes apparent that one of the strongest influences on men’s behaviour is other men. Hierarchical relationships amongst men entail struggles for power. Part of this struggle for a high position on the hierarchy entails avoiding a low position. This leads many men to suppress qualities and behaviours that are considered dishonourable, subordinate masculine practices. That means suppressing a range of communication skills, empathy, and expressions of love and care (even though research shows many male perpetrators want a caring close partnership). It also means engaging in socially honoured practices such as violence, coercive controlling behaviours, bullying and developing a tough façade amongst males. Controlling women continues to be included as a socially honoured masculine practice that bestows men with honour, prestige and respect.

Clare discusses some ways the struggle for power amongst men can lead some men to abuse their female partners. Understanding this is imperative for developing prevention and intervention strategies.

Tuesday 18 May 2010

Auckland, New Zealand (Invitation only event) Supported by Auckland TeRito Coordinators and the “It’s Not OK” Campaign for Action on Family Violence

“Men’s Masculinities and Social Influences: Preventing men’s violence and control against female partners”

Clare introduces the subtle, hidden complexities and contradictions of male perpetrators of intimate partner abuse and the social influences that set the foundation for male-to-female abuse such as sexual harassment in the workplace, incest, stranger and acquaintance rape, wife rape, domestic violence, and murder. In this workshop Clare breaks away from convenient black and white understandings of gender and power. Clare draws from her own research and several international in-depth studies with male perpetrators to unearth the ways men’s masculinities are practiced differently across different social situations according to men’s experiences of power and powerlessness.

Monday 17 May 2010

Auckland, New Zealand (Invitation only event) Supported by Auckland TeRito Coordinators and the “It’s Not OK” Campaign for Action on Family Violence

“Domestic Violence Without the Violence: Developing knowledge and skills to prevent psychological abuse and power and control over women by male partners”

Some key components Clare addresses in this workshop:

  • The array of abusive and controlling tactics women experience
  • Ways women resist and respond to the abuse and control
  • Challenges to some domestic violence myths
  • Complex personal and social barriers that prevent women from leaving
  • Stages women go through in coping with psychological abuse and control
  • How helping professionals can better support women

See here for participants’ testimonials about my workshops and trainings.

This page last updated 11th June 2016