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Learn About Coercive Control and Psychological Abuse

Warning signs

Are you struggling to come to terms with your partner’s abusive behaviours?

– Posted in: Male perpetrators SAFETY of Women & Children Why does he do it

Do you wonder: “Is he doing this to me on purpose? And if he is knowingly being cruel, neglectful and controlling, then I find that too hard to take, that he would be so calculated in his nastiness to me. I’ve not done anything to create that.” Do you wish: “I’d rather he did not know what

Jekyll and Hyde: Will the ‘real abuser’ please stand up

– Posted in: Male perpetrators Warning signs of abuse Why does he do it

Most women who come to me for counselling are often confused and exasperated by their male partner’s flip flopping between ‘good guy’ and ‘bad guy’. Pauline said her husband Chris, “would be so lovely and charming to other people and so shit horrible to me.” Peter, a man who’d attended a stopping violence programme told

How mothers can support daughters coping with an abusive relationship

– Posted in: Helping victims/survivors SAFETY of Women & Children Why does he do it

Judy, whose heart was breaking witnessing her daughter living with an abusive man, made a comment about her daughter under my post Warning Signs that your Male Partner is Controlling you: “We hardly ever get to see her …. It’s all a lot of small things — calling her names, abusive to the max, being

Tactic #15 — How Men Coerce Women into Domestic Slavery and why Equality is the Answer

– Posted in: Gender socialisation Intimate partner abuse Male perpetrators Why does he do it

This is the fifteenth of 16 blogs discussing the patterns of tactics from my power and control wheel — Domestic Slavery. Amongst heterosexual couples, many people believe the man should be the breadwinner (although being the sole breadwinner is really only possible for wealthy families). Alongside this, many people believe the woman should stay at

Tactic #6 — Emotional Unkindness & Violation of Trust

– Posted in: Fear and shame Intimate partner abuse Male perpetrators Why does he do it

This is the sixth of 16 blogs discussing the patterns of tactics from my power and control wheel – Emotional unkindness & violation of trust. Emotional unkindness entails DOING something unkind and the ABSENCE of, or FAILURE to do something kind. Emotional unkindness is a failure to provide for emotional needs such as encouragement, understanding,

Tactic #5 — Over-Protection and ‘Caring’

– Posted in: Intimate partner abuse Male perpetrators Why does he do it

This is the fifth of 16 blogs discussing the patterns of tactics from my power and control wheel – Over-protection and ‘caring’. Many men who psychologically abuse and control their female partners do not define their behaviour as cruel or abusive. This is partly because their behaviours make perfect sense when viewed from their belief

Tactic #2 — Mind Games

– Posted in: Intimate partner abuse Male perpetrators Why does he do it

This is the second of 16 blogs discussing the patterns of tactics from my power and control wheel – Mind Games.   Mind Games are deliberate attempts to psychologically manipulate someone. They are covert, coercive, manipulative intentions masked by innocent sounding communication. Mind Game language is designed to confuse and keep the victim from guessing

No bruise no victim?

– Posted in: Helping victims/survivors

One of the most common problems for women experiencing psychological abuse, is that they do not realise what is occurring in the early stages and are often not able to put it in context of their normal lives. When psychological abuse begins it will often creep in over time; a subtle edge of voice tone,

How to Know if a Woman is in Danger of Being Killed and What You Can do About it

– Posted in: Helping victims/survivors Intimate partner abuse Male perpetrators SAFETY of Women & Children Why does he do it

Threats of suicide by a man with a history of psychologically controlling his partner can be an indicator that he could seriously harm or murder family members, often before killing himself. Such threats make it vital for wider family and friends to urge and support a woman to seek frontline help from skilled professionals. Conducting a

How to Stay Safe When You Leave a Controlling Partner

– Posted in: Children's exposure to abuse Helping victims/survivors SAFETY of Women & Children

Women who have male partners who psychologically abuse, restrict, control, manipulate and rob women of their sense of self, need a safety plan whether their partner ever lays a finger on them or not. Many controlling men stalk, threaten and harass women who leave. Other controlling men use physical violence, or threaten to kill, or

Men’s tactics of coercive control against female partners

– Posted in: Male perpetrators Warning signs of abuse Why does he do it

Today I uploaded an extensive list of power and control tactics as used by those men who abuse and control their intimate female partner. (I've updated the list as at 1 October 2014 to include cyberbullying and other forms of abuse using technology). The following list of tactics of power and control summarises the list that

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