In 1765 William Blackstone, a theorist of the British common law stated, "the very being and legal existence of the woman is suspended during the marriage, or at least is incorporated into that of her husband under whose wing (and) protection she performs everything." In ancient Rome the legal distinction was made between men and women
Tactics of Abuse
Coercive Control to be a Criminal Offence
– Posted in: Gender socialisation Why does he do itIn January 2015 the UK House of Commons amended the Serious Crime Bill [Lords] to make Coercive Controlling behaviour by an intimate partner or family member a criminal offence. The legislation came into force on 19th December 2015. Here is one man’s story about the way he coercively controls his wife and her family. He doesn’t
Men’s Cyber Abuse Against Intimate Female Partners
– Posted in: Intimate partner abuse Male perpetratorsThe invention of the internet and the development of electronic and digital forms of communication technology have changed the lives of millions of people in good ways and bad ways. Perpetrators of intimate partner abuse have a whole new arsenal of ammunition to use to establish and maintain power and control over their partners. A
Are you struggling to come to terms with your partner’s abusive behaviours?
– Posted in: Male perpetrators SAFETY of Women & Children Why does he do itDo you wonder: “Is he doing this to me on purpose? And if he is knowingly being cruel, neglectful and controlling, then I find that too hard to take, that he would be so calculated in his nastiness to me. I’ve not done anything to create that.” Do you wish: “I’d rather he did not know what
Jekyll and Hyde: Will the ‘real abuser’ please stand up
– Posted in: Male perpetrators Warning signs of abuse Why does he do itMost women who come to me for counselling are often confused and exasperated by their male partner’s flip flopping between ‘good guy’ and ‘bad guy’. Pauline said her husband Chris, “would be so lovely and charming to other people and so shit horrible to me.” Peter, a man who’d attended a stopping violence programme told
Abusers abuse others on purpose: Coercive control is intentional
– Posted in: Male perpetrators Why does he do itMany women who are trying to make sense of why their male partner abuses and controls them ask me if I think he does it on purpose. Women find it extremely difficult to come to terms with the idea that he might do it on purpose. It’s not pleasant to consider that the partner you
Tactic #16 — Physical Violence: How to understand Men’s Motivations
– Posted in: Intimate partner abuse Male perpetrators Physical violence Why does he do itThis is the sixteenth of 16 blogs discussing the patterns of tactics from my power and control wheel — Physical Violence. This blog focuses on men's motivations for using coercively controlling physical violence against female partners. A man interviewed by Jeff Hearn(12) said: “I don’t let it lie, because I always want to have the
Tactic #15 — How Men Coerce Women into Domestic Slavery and why Equality is the Answer
– Posted in: Gender socialisation Intimate partner abuse Male perpetrators Why does he do itThis is the fifteenth of 16 blogs discussing the patterns of tactics from my power and control wheel — Domestic Slavery. Amongst heterosexual couples, many people believe the man should be the breadwinner (although being the sole breadwinner is really only possible for wealthy families). Alongside this, many people believe the woman should stay at
Tactic #14 — Symbolic Aggression
– Posted in: Intimate partner abuse Male perpetrators SAFETY of Women & Children Why does he do itThis is the fourteenth of 16 blogs discussing the patterns of tactics from my power and control wheel — Symbolic Aggression. Drawing from research with men who have used symbolic aggression, and women who have been subjected to it, this blog illustrates just some of the tactics — these include the ways the perpetrator uses
Tactic #13 — Intimate Partner Sexual abuse
– Posted in: Intimate partner abuse Male perpetrators Sexual Abuse Why does he do itThis is the thirteenth of 16 blogs discussing the patterns of tactics from my power and control wheel — Intimate Partner Sexual Abuse. Men’s intimate partner sexual abuse involves expecting or demanding sex when she doesn’t desire it, then ignoring her wishes, ignoring her protests, telling her that ‘no’ really means ‘yes’. Sexual abuse entails
Tactic #11 — Using the Children
– Posted in: Children's exposure to abuse Intimate partner abuse Male perpetrators Why does he do itThis is the eleventh of 16 blogs discussing the patterns of tactics from my power and control wheel — Using the Children.Ways men use the children to maintain power and control or to punish their partner or ex-partner include demanding that she do all the childcare, making her feel guilty about the children, telling her
Tactic #10 — Denial, Minimising, Blaming
– Posted in: Intimate partner abuse Male perpetrators Why does he do itThis is the tenth of 16 blogs discussing the patterns of tactics from my power and control wheel — Denial, Minimising, Blaming. We are all responsible for the choices we make in life. We’re personally responsible for our own thoughts, beliefs, assumptions and interpretations of situations. Our thoughts lead to our feelings and in turn
Tactic #9 — Using Social Institutions and Social Prejudices
– Posted in: Intimate partner abuse Male perpetrators Social Institutions & Abuse Why does he do itThis is the ninth of 16 blogs discussing the patterns of tactics from my power and control wheel – Using Social Institutions and Social Prejudices. Many perpetrators of psychological abuse use social, health, legal and other institutions such as child protection services as arenas to further their coercive control over their intimate partner. They use
Tactic #8 — Separation Abuse
– Posted in: Intimate partner abuse Male perpetrators Why does he do itThis is the eighth of 16 blogs discussing the patterns of tactics from my power and control wheel – afeteparation Abuse. It’s commonly assumed women should just leave their abusive partner, that she’s stupid for staying, and that if she left him, all her problems would be over. But this is far from the reality
Tactic #7 — Degradation & Suppression of Potential
– Posted in: Fear and shame Intimate partner abuse Male perpetrators Why does he do itThis is the seventh of 16 blogs discussing the patterns of tactics from my power and control wheel – Degradation & Suppression of Potential. Men who degrade their female partner do this by calling her derogatory names like slut or whore, using abusive language, correcting things the woman says or does, by depriving her of
Tactic #6 — Emotional Unkindness & Violation of Trust
– Posted in: Fear and shame Intimate partner abuse Male perpetrators Why does he do itThis is the sixth of 16 blogs discussing the patterns of tactics from my power and control wheel – Emotional unkindness & violation of trust. Emotional unkindness entails DOING something unkind and the ABSENCE of, or FAILURE to do something kind. Emotional unkindness is a failure to provide for emotional needs such as encouragement, understanding,
Three reasons why women stay with a controlling partner
– Posted in: Belief in a Just World Intimate partner abuseDo you wonder why she stays? Are you a woman who gets down on yourself because you are staying with him? If a woman believes she has married a charming, caring man, but then he goes on to control, manipulate and abuse her, this can be extremely confusing. There are many many reasons why women continue
Tactic #5 — Over-Protection and ‘Caring’
– Posted in: Intimate partner abuse Male perpetrators Why does he do itThis is the fifth of 16 blogs discussing the patterns of tactics from my power and control wheel – Over-protection and ‘caring’. Many men who psychologically abuse and control their female partners do not define their behaviour as cruel or abusive. This is partly because their behaviours make perfect sense when viewed from their belief
Tactic #4 — Isolation
– Posted in: Intimate partner abuse Male perpetrators Why does he do itThis is the fourth of 16 blogs discussing the patterns of tactics from my power and control wheel – Isolation. Isolation is a pivotal tactic that controlling partners use in order to weaken their victims, prevent them from hearing others’ perspectives, and to bring them into line with his own beliefs and requirements. Often possessiveness
Warning signs of coercive control
– Posted in: Warning signs of abuseWarning Signs of Coercive Control by Your Partner Clues to warning signs that you're in a relationship that is highly likely to continue to get worse - exist on many levels - including . . . Things your partner thinks, says and does Things you think, say and do in response to his attitudes, words
Tactic #3 — Inappropriate Restrictions
– Posted in: Intimate partner abuse Male perpetrators Why does he do itThis is the third of 16 blogs discussing the patterns of tactics from my power and control wheel – Inappropriate Restrictions. In our lives we are all restricted in a host of different ways. Laws, social and cultural etiquette, physical and mental ability, the hours we work, and our need to take time out to