This is the third of 16 blogs discussing the patterns of tactics from my power and control wheel – Inappropriate Restrictions. In our lives we are all restricted in a host of different ways. Laws, social and cultural etiquette, physical and mental ability, the hours we work, and our need to take time out to
Masculinities
Tactic #2 — Mind Games
– Posted in: Intimate partner abuse Male perpetrators Why does he do itThis is the second of 16 blogs discussing the patterns of tactics from my power and control wheel – Mind Games. Mind Games are deliberate attempts to psychologically manipulate someone. They are covert, coercive, manipulative intentions masked by innocent sounding communication. Mind Game language is designed to confuse and keep the victim from guessing
Tactic #1 — One-Sided Power Games
– Posted in: Intimate partner abuse Male perpetrators Why does he do itThis is the first of 16 blogs discussing the patterns of tactics mentioned in my power and control wheel - One-Sided Power Games. Research with men and women reveals that men who engage in one-sided power games show more concern about gaining something for themselves than showing concern for what they are actually doing to
A new power and control wheel
– Posted in: Intimate partner abuse Male perpetrators Why does he do itYou may recognise the Duluth ‘power and control’ wheel (on the left below) … it has been hanging around noticeboards at women’s centres, doctor’s rooms, and various other crisis places where women seek answers and shelter from violence perpetrated by their partners and spouses. The wheel is a summation of violence based on women’s experiences
Do you feel like he treats you as a possession? Here’s why.
– Posted in: Social Institutions & AbuseRecently, when the New Zealand Prime Minister, John Key, responded to a sports radio show host’s question about which female celebrities he would have on his “wishlist”, John Key said Liz Hurley was “hot” and that Jessica Alba “looked pretty hot”. So what? Many people would ask – some would even say, “good on him”.
Is men’s abuse of female partners an individual problem or a social problem?
– Posted in: Gender socialisation Male perpetrators Social Institutions & Abuse Why does he do itWhen we see that a man beats his wife we tend to assume the abuse is the problem of the individuals involved. He has a problem or she has a problem. The same is true if you read a newspaper article about a man who sexually abuses his female partner. Most readers assume the abuse
“Ensuring our manhood stays intact”
– Posted in: Gender socialisation Male perpetrators Why does he do itMen and women are socialised into a society founded on social hierarchies. In the west, those who are considered to have higher status than others are white people, people with higher education, men, people in the middle age range (that is not children and not elderly), people who are physically and mentally able, the rich,
Warning signs that your male partner is emotionally controlling you
– Posted in: Warning signs of abusePerhaps you got into the relationship quickly, maybe had sex much sooner than you wanted. Maybe you didn’t develop a friendship before suddenly spending most of your time with him and hardly, if ever, seeing your friends or family any more. Your life may have narrowed so that you’re no longer pursuing your own interests
Are women who live with abusive partners codependent?
– Posted in: Codependency Intimate partner abuseThe other day I met a social worker/counsellor at a seminar. When she found out I research domestic violence she immediately told me that women who stay with violent men are codependent. She said such women were just the same as women who live with alcoholics. She was not interested in another view because she
The Emperor has no clothes
– Posted in: Belief in a Just World Gender socialisation Intimate partner abuse Male perpetrators Social Institutions & Abuse Warning signs of abuseWomen I interviewed for my Masters research said that before marrying, most of them had total belief in their partner – because he was a man. The women said that trusting and believing their partner - just because he was a man - was socially encouraged. In other words when he used abusive language, or
News release about male perpetrators of domestic violence
– Posted in: Intimate partner abuseI just arrived back from Brisbane, Australia after conducting a public seminar about my PhD research. While there, the Queensland University of Technology marketing and communication department uploaded a media release titled "Misplaced machismo behind domestic violence". It begins . . . Societal power structures and some pop culture stereotypes which lead some men to
Alcohol Does Not Cause Domestic Violence
– Posted in: Alcohol & violence Myths about Domestic ViolenceThe link between alcohol and violence is oversimplified and creates false stereotypes. I bet if you thought of a man who perpetrated domestic violence against his female partner, you would guess he was probably drinking alcohol. In fact this assumption is supported by research that finds that men who use alcohol and who hit their
How to muster the courage to break free from bad relationships
– Posted in: Fear and shame Gender socialisation Male perpetrators Social Institutions & Abuse Why does he do itDo you wonder what it would feel like to be free? Do you have a legacy of fear and shame? Has the aftermath of abuse led you to be a conformist? Or has it led you to be riddled with anger so bad that you rebel? Fear and shame are the lifeblood of one-sided power