This is the sixteenth of 16 blogs discussing the patterns of tactics from my power and control wheel — Physical Violence. This blog focuses on men's motivations for using coercively controlling physical violence against female partners. A man interviewed by Jeff Hearn(12) said: “I don’t let it lie, because I always want to have the
Jealousy
Tactic #15 — How Men Coerce Women into Domestic Slavery and why Equality is the Answer
– Posted in: Gender socialisation Intimate partner abuse Male perpetrators Why does he do itThis is the fifteenth of 16 blogs discussing the patterns of tactics from my power and control wheel — Domestic Slavery. Amongst heterosexual couples, many people believe the man should be the breadwinner (although being the sole breadwinner is really only possible for wealthy families). Alongside this, many people believe the woman should stay at
Tactic #14 — Symbolic Aggression
– Posted in: Intimate partner abuse Male perpetrators SAFETY of Women & Children Why does he do itThis is the fourteenth of 16 blogs discussing the patterns of tactics from my power and control wheel — Symbolic Aggression. Drawing from research with men who have used symbolic aggression, and women who have been subjected to it, this blog illustrates just some of the tactics — these include the ways the perpetrator uses
Tactic #13 — Intimate Partner Sexual abuse
– Posted in: Intimate partner abuse Male perpetrators Sexual Abuse Why does he do itThis is the thirteenth of 16 blogs discussing the patterns of tactics from my power and control wheel — Intimate Partner Sexual Abuse. Men’s intimate partner sexual abuse involves expecting or demanding sex when she doesn’t desire it, then ignoring her wishes, ignoring her protests, telling her that ‘no’ really means ‘yes’. Sexual abuse entails
Tactic #12 — Economic Abuse
– Posted in: Intimate partner abuse Male perpetrators Why does he do itThis is the twelfth of 16 blogs discussing the patterns of tactics from my power and control wheel — Economic Abuse. Economic abuse is one of the most common forms of intimate partner abuse. Children’s needs and standard of living are negatively impacted by their father’s economic abuse. This type of abuse leads to poverty,
Tactic #11 — Using the Children
– Posted in: Children's exposure to abuse Intimate partner abuse Male perpetrators Why does he do itThis is the eleventh of 16 blogs discussing the patterns of tactics from my power and control wheel — Using the Children.Ways men use the children to maintain power and control or to punish their partner or ex-partner include demanding that she do all the childcare, making her feel guilty about the children, telling her
Tactic #10 — Denial, Minimising, Blaming
– Posted in: Intimate partner abuse Male perpetrators Why does he do itThis is the tenth of 16 blogs discussing the patterns of tactics from my power and control wheel — Denial, Minimising, Blaming. We are all responsible for the choices we make in life. We’re personally responsible for our own thoughts, beliefs, assumptions and interpretations of situations. Our thoughts lead to our feelings and in turn
Tactic #9 — Using Social Institutions and Social Prejudices
– Posted in: Intimate partner abuse Male perpetrators Social Institutions & Abuse Why does he do itThis is the ninth of 16 blogs discussing the patterns of tactics from my power and control wheel – Using Social Institutions and Social Prejudices. Many perpetrators of psychological abuse use social, health, legal and other institutions such as child protection services as arenas to further their coercive control over their intimate partner. They use
Tactic #8 — Separation Abuse
– Posted in: Intimate partner abuse Male perpetrators Why does he do itThis is the eighth of 16 blogs discussing the patterns of tactics from my power and control wheel – afeteparation Abuse. It’s commonly assumed women should just leave their abusive partner, that she’s stupid for staying, and that if she left him, all her problems would be over. But this is far from the reality
Tactic #7 — Degradation & Suppression of Potential
– Posted in: Fear and shame Intimate partner abuse Male perpetrators Why does he do itThis is the seventh of 16 blogs discussing the patterns of tactics from my power and control wheel – Degradation & Suppression of Potential. Men who degrade their female partner do this by calling her derogatory names like slut or whore, using abusive language, correcting things the woman says or does, by depriving her of
Tactic #6 — Emotional Unkindness & Violation of Trust
– Posted in: Fear and shame Intimate partner abuse Male perpetrators Why does he do itThis is the sixth of 16 blogs discussing the patterns of tactics from my power and control wheel – Emotional unkindness & violation of trust. Emotional unkindness entails DOING something unkind and the ABSENCE of, or FAILURE to do something kind. Emotional unkindness is a failure to provide for emotional needs such as encouragement, understanding,
Tactic #5 — Over-Protection and ‘Caring’
– Posted in: Intimate partner abuse Male perpetrators Why does he do itThis is the fifth of 16 blogs discussing the patterns of tactics from my power and control wheel – Over-protection and ‘caring’. Many men who psychologically abuse and control their female partners do not define their behaviour as cruel or abusive. This is partly because their behaviours make perfect sense when viewed from their belief
Tactic #4 — Isolation
– Posted in: Intimate partner abuse Male perpetrators Why does he do itThis is the fourth of 16 blogs discussing the patterns of tactics from my power and control wheel – Isolation. Isolation is a pivotal tactic that controlling partners use in order to weaken their victims, prevent them from hearing others’ perspectives, and to bring them into line with his own beliefs and requirements. Often possessiveness
Warning signs of coercive control
– Posted in: Warning signs of abuseWarning Signs of Coercive Control by Your Partner Clues to warning signs that you're in a relationship that is highly likely to continue to get worse - exist on many levels - including . . . Things your partner thinks, says and does Things you think, say and do in response to his attitudes, words
Tactic #3 — Inappropriate Restrictions
– Posted in: Intimate partner abuse Male perpetrators Why does he do itThis is the third of 16 blogs discussing the patterns of tactics from my power and control wheel – Inappropriate Restrictions. In our lives we are all restricted in a host of different ways. Laws, social and cultural etiquette, physical and mental ability, the hours we work, and our need to take time out to
Tactic #2 — Mind Games
– Posted in: Intimate partner abuse Male perpetrators Why does he do itThis is the second of 16 blogs discussing the patterns of tactics from my power and control wheel – Mind Games. Mind Games are deliberate attempts to psychologically manipulate someone. They are covert, coercive, manipulative intentions masked by innocent sounding communication. Mind Game language is designed to confuse and keep the victim from guessing
Tactic #1 — One-Sided Power Games
– Posted in: Intimate partner abuse Male perpetrators Why does he do itThis is the first of 16 blogs discussing the patterns of tactics mentioned in my power and control wheel - One-Sided Power Games. Research with men and women reveals that men who engage in one-sided power games show more concern about gaining something for themselves than showing concern for what they are actually doing to
A new power and control wheel
– Posted in: Intimate partner abuse Male perpetrators Why does he do itYou may recognise the Duluth ‘power and control’ wheel (on the left below) … it has been hanging around noticeboards at women’s centres, doctor’s rooms, and various other crisis places where women seek answers and shelter from violence perpetrated by their partners and spouses. The wheel is a summation of violence based on women’s experiences
Warning signs that your male partner is emotionally controlling you
– Posted in: Warning signs of abusePerhaps you got into the relationship quickly, maybe had sex much sooner than you wanted. Maybe you didn’t develop a friendship before suddenly spending most of your time with him and hardly, if ever, seeing your friends or family any more. Your life may have narrowed so that you’re no longer pursuing your own interests