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Learn About Coercive Control and Psychological Abuse


Before contacting me you may find your answer on this helpful Frequently Asked Questions page

Do I have a Comment Policy?

Yes. Please click here

Do I have a standard for comments?

Most certainly. In a world full of spam and trolls, offensive and inappropriate language I am strict about content, language and story. Anything “off-topic” or inappropriate will be deleted.

Do I give free advice?

No. I’ve received an overwhelming number of questions and calls for help. I really do want to reply to everyone personally but realise I can’t commit to doing this. I need to balance what I do for free (this website) with earning a living consulting, counselling, supervision and conducting trainings, talks, and seminars. This website is not a forum or an “Agony Aunts” advice column. I do sometimes respond to comments. The SpeakOutLoud website is a free resource full of advice for you to peruse.

Do I provide you with the opportunity to pay me for advice?

Yes. I Counsel and consult with victims, perpetrators, bystanders, family members and friends. If you need one-on-one counselling book a private session with me by going to this link here.

Is counselling or consulting with me appropriate for regaining control of your life?

Counselling and consulting with me, Clare, is a great option for regaining control of your life, regaining your lost self and helping deal with controlling people – I “get” the experience of coercive control and psychological abuse, I’ve experienced it and I’ve helped men and women deal with the traumatic harm caused to them.

There’s a big difference between strategies for dealing with an ex-partner who is trustworthyhonestrespectful, honours your privacy, whom you feel psychologically and physically safe around, and whom you feel completely free to be yourself when you’re around them . . . compared with techniques to deal with someone who does not honour any of these needs.

Do I mentor and supervise professionals?

Yes. Please click here.

Can you ask me to read your book?

I can not accept any form of unsolicited work for comment or review. I had wanted to do this, but I’ve received an overwhelming number of questions and calls for help and realise I cannot commit to reviewing books.

Can you recommend a book?

In the course of commenting on a blog you may put forward a title but be aware that all Post Comments are moderated and edited by me. Anything “off-topic” or inappropriate will be deleted.

Can you send me your personal story?

No. Sometimes I will accept a story as part of a comment exchange if it has merit and adds to the theme of a specific blogpost.

To understand psychological abuse and coercive control . . .

please browse the website, and/or use the search function, for answers. To find archived articles click on the Articles tab where I list all the posts under different subjects. Alternatively, click on the SiteMap which also lists all the archived blog posts by category.

To help a woman . . .

you know is in relationship with a man who is psychologically abusing and controlling her, please read the following articles. Depending on the stage she might be at in making sense of the abuse, these articles give tips on how to help her and how she makes sense of the abuse:
Stage One
Stage Two
Stage Three
Stage Four
Stage Five