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Learn About Coercive Control and Psychological Abuse

“I shine a light on the misuse of Power and Control in relationships.”

This is a vast problem that permeates society.

You’ve reached a place where you can find out about coercive control, emotional abuse and psychological abuse. Here you can begin to understand the deep, underlying roles these dynamics play in domestic violence, and our daily lives.

SpeakOutLoud is shouting about Coercive Control and Psychological Abuse where the scope is breathtaking. It’s much more than domestic violence at home … it’s also workplace bullying, school bullying, institutional violence, corporate violence, political violence, and more … where perpetrators’ violence and injustices come with entrenched historical attitudes which are often aided and abetted by our society’s accepted cultural and lawful norms.

In various forms Coercive Power and Control can also be perpetrated by mothers, fathers, children, grandparents, teachers, peers, friends, sports coaches, business owners, bosses, colleagues, school bullies, husbands, wives, neighbours, and more.

SpeakOutLoud is a resource freely given by me for you to be well informed about how power and control is used to rule your world. How people use coercive controlling behaviours and psychological abuse for their own selfish agendas. How social inequality, a lack of respect, caring and love are one of the roots of the hidden, secretive world of domestic violence.

Please note: this blog does not support the notion that all men are abusive and all women are victims.


 Not everyone is safe and free. Huge numbers of people live in fear. Trapped, psychologically traumatised. Isolated by perpetrators who are not free either. Masked, driven control freaks lashing out, unhappy like their victims, they emotionally abuse and coercively control as a way to feel safe. But when they get real – and slip their quest for power and control – they have to admit they are not truly free or safe themselves.

My studies focussed on the thread of domestic violence but the results illuminated the broader reaches of social psychology and sociology.

I freed myself of relationships with perpetrators long ago. But that was only after years of intense study of the ‘power and control’ phenomenon. Now I see the warning signs very early on. The purpose of this website and blog is to engage in a kind of archeological dig, seeking to expose the skeletons of this often secret thing called ‘power and control’.

My writings aim to flesh out the true shape of the perpetrator – too adept at hiding emotionally battered victims from public and family gaze. I seek to shine a light into the hidden corners for victims living in nightmares and surviving wretched existences behind closed doors. I share the stories of the survivors of one-sided power and control and give voice to their triumph – men and women.

My academic study, research, real life counselling and SpeakOutLoud is for you.

The victim or survivor. It is about validating and supporting you and hearing your stories. It is also about hearing the stories of perpetrators who have changed, are changing or want to change. SpeakOutLoud is for the bystanders — concerned persons, friends and family of victims and perpetrators. Accordingly, I explore controllers, and issues of power and control, across these and other environments and talk about connections between school bullying, workplace bullying, sports violence and domestic violence.

I write so you will learn how to detect psychological abuse and coercive control … and learn how to respond.

In SpeakOutLoud I seek to inform and educate professionals who may not fully understand the big dynamic of the traumatising and damaging effects of emotional abuse and coercive control. By professionals I mean counsellors, psychologists, social workers, legal professionals, police and crime prevention professionals, and those who work in mental health who might have clients dealing with issues relating to power and control. Also for academics – lecturers and researchers – to build your resources.

Most domestic and family violence is NOT physical violence

  • What are its complexities?
  • How do you identify it?
  • Is it always bad or abusive?
  • Are you perpetrating it?
  • How do you know if you are, or not?
  • What is the difference between a relationship marked by one-sided power and control, and a healthy relationship where there are occasional problems?
  • What place does gender, sexuality, race and socio-economic status have in the dynamics of power and control?
  • What tactics do men use who control their female partners?
  • How do women cope when their male partner psychologically abuses and controls them?
  • What role do journalists, teachers and sports coaches have in enabling school bullying and domestic violence to occur?
  • Why do women stay with abusive partners?
  • Why do men need to be controlling?
  • How do you set boundaries with control freaks? Why should you?
  • What is the relevance of shame in motivating men or women to be controlling?
  • What are the physical and psychological effects for victims of coercive control and emotional – psychological abuse?