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Learn About Coercive Control and Psychological Abuse

Helping victims/survivors

Are you struggling to come to terms with your partner’s abusive behaviours?

– Posted in: Male perpetrators SAFETY of Women & Children Why does he do it

Do you wonder: “Is he doing this to me on purpose? And if he is knowingly being cruel, neglectful and controlling, then I find that too hard to take, that he would be so calculated in his nastiness to me. I’ve not done anything to create that.” Do you wish: “I’d rather he did not know what

Jekyll and Hyde: Will the ‘real abuser’ please stand up

– Posted in: Male perpetrators Warning signs of abuse Why does he do it

Most women who come to me for counselling are often confused and exasperated by their male partner’s flip flopping between ‘good guy’ and ‘bad guy’. Pauline said her husband Chris, “would be so lovely and charming to other people and so shit horrible to me.” Peter, a man who’d attended a stopping violence programme told

How mothers can support daughters coping with an abusive relationship

– Posted in: Helping victims/survivors SAFETY of Women & Children Why does he do it

Judy, whose heart was breaking witnessing her daughter living with an abusive man, made a comment about her daughter under my post Warning Signs that your Male Partner is Controlling you: “We hardly ever get to see her …. It’s all a lot of small things — calling her names, abusive to the max, being

Tactic #16 — Physical Violence: How to understand Men’s Motivations

– Posted in: Intimate partner abuse Male perpetrators Physical violence Why does he do it

This is the sixteenth of 16 blogs discussing the patterns of tactics from my power and control wheel — Physical Violence. This blog focuses on men's motivations for using coercively controlling physical violence against female partners. A man interviewed by Jeff Hearn(12) said: “I don’t let it lie, because I always want to have the

Tactic #14 — Symbolic Aggression

– Posted in: Intimate partner abuse Male perpetrators SAFETY of Women & Children Why does he do it

This is the fourteenth of 16 blogs discussing the patterns of tactics from my power and control wheel — Symbolic Aggression. Drawing from research with men who have used symbolic aggression, and women who have been subjected to it, this blog illustrates just some of the tactics — these include the ways the perpetrator uses

Tactic #7 — Degradation & Suppression of Potential

– Posted in: Fear and shame Intimate partner abuse Male perpetrators Why does he do it

This is the seventh of 16 blogs discussing the patterns of tactics from my power and control wheel – Degradation & Suppression of Potential. Men who degrade their female partner do this by calling her derogatory names like slut or whore, using abusive language, correcting things the woman says or does, by depriving her of

Tactic #6 — Emotional Unkindness & Violation of Trust

– Posted in: Fear and shame Intimate partner abuse Male perpetrators Why does he do it

This is the sixth of 16 blogs discussing the patterns of tactics from my power and control wheel – Emotional unkindness & violation of trust. Emotional unkindness entails DOING something unkind and the ABSENCE of, or FAILURE to do something kind. Emotional unkindness is a failure to provide for emotional needs such as encouragement, understanding,

No bruise no victim?

– Posted in: Helping victims/survivors

One of the most common problems for women experiencing psychological abuse, is that they do not realise what is occurring in the early stages and are often not able to put it in context of their normal lives. When psychological abuse begins it will often creep in over time; a subtle edge of voice tone,

How to Know if a Woman is in Danger of Being Killed and What You Can do About it

– Posted in: Helping victims/survivors Intimate partner abuse Male perpetrators SAFETY of Women & Children Why does he do it

Threats of suicide by a man with a history of psychologically controlling his partner can be an indicator that he could seriously harm or murder family members, often before killing himself. Such threats make it vital for wider family and friends to urge and support a woman to seek frontline help from skilled professionals. Conducting a

How to Stay Safe When You Leave a Controlling Partner

– Posted in: Children's exposure to abuse Helping victims/survivors SAFETY of Women & Children

Women who have male partners who psychologically abuse, restrict, control, manipulate and rob women of their sense of self, need a safety plan whether their partner ever lays a finger on them or not. Many controlling men stalk, threaten and harass women who leave. Other controlling men use physical violence, or threaten to kill, or

Three things you need to understand to keep you and your children safe when you’re thinking of leaving

– Posted in: Helping victims/survivors Intimate partner abuse SAFETY of Women & Children

Men who murder their female partners are often motivated by a need to save face by regaining a sense of power and control if the woman threatens to leave, or does leave. Many mental health and legal professionals do not take women’s experience of psychological abuse and control seriously. But men’s perpetration of psychological abuse

Shame experienced by abuse victims

– Posted in: Fear and shame

Dr Angela Jury conducted interviews with 25 survivors of intimate partner abuse for her PhD research. The following are extracts from a Massey University news release about her study: Abused women – especially victims of psychological and emotional torment – are often so paralysed by what they see as the stigma and shame associated with

The Emperor has no clothes

– Posted in: Belief in a Just World Gender socialisation Intimate partner abuse Male perpetrators Social Institutions & Abuse Warning signs of abuse

Women I interviewed for my Masters research said that before marrying, most of them had total belief in their partner – because he was a man. The women said that trusting and believing their partner - just because he was a man - was socially encouraged. In other words when he used abusive language, or

Move forward - Get help with Clare Yes. I'm ready.