Helping victims/survivors

Most women who come to me for counselling are often confused and exasperated by their male partner’s flip flopping between ‘good guy’ and ‘bad guy’. Pauline said her husband Chris, “would be so lovely and charming to other people and so shit horrible to me.” Peter, a man who’d attended a stopping violence programme told

Judy, whose heart was breaking witnessing her daughter living with an abusive man, made a comment about her daughter under my post Warning Signs that your Male Partner is Controlling you: “We hardly ever get to see her …. It’s all a lot of small things — calling her names, abusive to the max, being

This is the sixteenth of 16 blogs discussing the patterns of tactics from my power and control wheel — Physical Violence. This blog focuses on men's motivations for using coercively controlling physical violence against female partners. A man interviewed by Jeff Hearn(12) said: “I don’t let it lie, because I always want to have the

This is the fourteenth of 16 blogs discussing the patterns of tactics from my power and control wheel — Symbolic Aggression. Drawing from research with men who have used symbolic aggression, and women who have been subjected to it, this blog illustrates just some of the tactics — these include the ways the perpetrator uses

This is the seventh of 16 blogs discussing the patterns of tactics from my power and control wheel – Degradation & Suppression of Potential. Men who degrade their female partner do this by calling her derogatory names like slut or whore, using abusive language, correcting things the woman says or does, by depriving her of

This is the sixth of 16 blogs discussing the patterns of tactics from my power and control wheel – Emotional unkindness & violation of trust. Emotional unkindness entails DOING something unkind and the ABSENCE of, or FAILURE to do something kind. Emotional unkindness is a failure to provide for emotional needs such as encouragement, understanding,

Warning Signs of Coercive Control by Your Partner Clues to warning signs that you're in a relationship that is highly likely to continue to get worse - exist on many levels - including . . . Things your partner thinks, says and does Things you think, say and do in response to his attitudes, words

One of the most common problems for women experiencing psychological abuse, is that they do not realise what is occurring in the early stages and are often not able to put it in context of their normal lives. When psychological abuse begins it will often creep in over time; a subtle edge of voice tone,

Threats of suicide by a man with a history of psychologically controlling his partner can be an indicator that he could seriously harm or murder family members, often before killing himself. Such threats make it vital for wider family and friends to urge and support a woman to seek frontline help from skilled professionals. Conducting a

I've known many women who, after leaving a controlling male partner, experienced ongoing anger that just would not go away. Some women have incessant thoughts of revenge and fight with themselves not to do something they'll regret. I'm writing this blog in response to a comment posted by Amy in my blog post about how

Perhaps you got into the relationship quickly, maybe had sex much sooner than you wanted. Maybe you didn’t develop a friendship before suddenly spending most of your time with him and hardly, if ever, seeing your friends or family any more. Your life may have narrowed so that you’re no longer pursuing your own interests

Women who have male partners who psychologically abuse, restrict, control, manipulate and rob women of their sense of self, need a safety plan whether their partner ever lays a finger on them or not. Many controlling men stalk, threaten and harass women who leave. Other controlling men use physical violence, or threaten to kill, or

Men who murder their female partners are often motivated by a need to save face by regaining a sense of power and control if the woman threatens to leave, or does leave. Many mental health and legal professionals do not take women’s experience of psychological abuse and control seriously. But men’s perpetration of psychological abuse

Dr Angela Jury conducted interviews with 25 survivors of intimate partner abuse for her PhD research. The following are extracts from a Massey University news release about her study: Abused women – especially victims of psychological and emotional torment – are often so paralysed by what they see as the stigma and shame associated with

Women I interviewed for my Masters research said that before marrying, most of them had total belief in their partner – because he was a man. The women said that trusting and believing their partner - just because he was a man - was socially encouraged. In other words when he used abusive language, or

Some male perpetrators of domestic violence harm family pets to get power and control over their wives and children. Men's cruelty to companion animals silences women and children and is used to gain compliance, instill fear and prevents women from leaving and abusive relationship

In today's issue of the New Zealand Herald I read another example of a male perpetrator of domestic violence and psychological abuse who intended to harm his partner - but used alcohol as an excuse to minimise his responsibility. Snippets from the article say: "Ross Simon Fraser has admitted beating his partner Joanne Thompson to

STAGE 1 How to help women abused and controlled by male partners STAGE 2 Feeling bemused about helping women abused by male partners STAGE 3 Confused about helping women abused by male partners? STAGE 4 Helping women who are refusing to be abused STAGE 5 Women mentally bruised by male partners: How to help Maintenance

STAGE 1 How to help women abused and controlled by male partners STAGE 2 Feeling bemused about helping women abused by male partners STAGE 3 Confused about helping women abused by male partners? STAGE 4 Helping women who are refusing to be abused STAGE 5 Women mentally bruised by male partners: How to help Stage

STAGE 1 How to help women abused and controlled by male partners STAGE 2 Feeling bemused about helping women abused by male partners STAGE 3 Confused about helping women abused by male partners? STAGE 4 Helping women who are refusing to be abused STAGE 5 Women mentally bruised by male partners: How to help When