SpeakOutLoud header image
Learn About Coercive Control and Psychological Abuse

Who knows what love is?

– Posted in: Gender socialisation
wall painting-man-sitting with woman

Behind closed doors men and women, untutored in the art of relationship, struggle with what is right and wrong – how they are supposed to act as a couple; trying to reconcile the contradictions of their upbringing and the effects of societal pressures. Behind closed doors people are confronted with the realities of life-changing commitment

Are you struggling to come to terms with your partner’s abusive behaviours?

– Posted in: Male perpetrators SAFETY of Women & Children Why does he do it

Do you wonder: “Is he doing this to me on purpose? And if he is knowingly being cruel, neglectful and controlling, then I find that too hard to take, that he would be so calculated in his nastiness to me. I’ve not done anything to create that.” Do you wish: “I’d rather he did not know what

Jekyll and Hyde: Will the ‘real abuser’ please stand up

– Posted in: Male perpetrators Warning signs of abuse Why does he do it

Most women who come to me for counselling are often confused and exasperated by their male partner’s flip flopping between ‘good guy’ and ‘bad guy’. Pauline said her husband Chris, “would be so lovely and charming to other people and so shit horrible to me.” Peter, a man who’d attended a stopping violence programme told

How mothers can support daughters coping with an abusive relationship

– Posted in: Helping victims/survivors SAFETY of Women & Children Why does he do it

Judy, whose heart was breaking witnessing her daughter living with an abusive man, made a comment about her daughter under my post Warning Signs that your Male Partner is Controlling you: “We hardly ever get to see her …. It’s all a lot of small things — calling her names, abusive to the max, being

Tactic #16 — Physical Violence: How to understand Men’s Motivations

– Posted in: Intimate partner abuse Male perpetrators Physical violence Why does he do it

This is the sixteenth of 16 blogs discussing the patterns of tactics from my power and control wheel — Physical Violence. This blog focuses on men's motivations for using coercively controlling physical violence against female partners. A man interviewed by Jeff Hearn(12) said: “I don’t let it lie, because I always want to have the

Tactic #15 — How Men Coerce Women into Domestic Slavery and why Equality is the Answer

– Posted in: Gender socialisation Intimate partner abuse Male perpetrators Why does he do it

This is the fifteenth of 16 blogs discussing the patterns of tactics from my power and control wheel — Domestic Slavery. Amongst heterosexual couples, many people believe the man should be the breadwinner (although being the sole breadwinner is really only possible for wealthy families). Alongside this, many people believe the woman should stay at

Tactic #14 — Symbolic Aggression

– Posted in: Intimate partner abuse Male perpetrators SAFETY of Women & Children Why does he do it

This is the fourteenth of 16 blogs discussing the patterns of tactics from my power and control wheel — Symbolic Aggression. Drawing from research with men who have used symbolic aggression, and women who have been subjected to it, this blog illustrates just some of the tactics — these include the ways the perpetrator uses

Gender: How Men and Women Experience Domestic Violence Differently

– Posted in: Intimate partner abuse Myths about Domestic Violence

However, this blog post is about heterosexual relationships. Understanding the role that gender plays in domestic violence in heterosexual relationships is important because there are differences in perpetrators’ motivation and intention, differences in severity of abuse, differences in one-off isolated acts of abuse compared with repeated ongoing patterns of abuse. There are differences in the

Tactic #13 — Intimate Partner Sexual abuse

– Posted in: Intimate partner abuse Male perpetrators Sexual Abuse Why does he do it

This is the thirteenth of 16 blogs discussing the patterns of tactics from my power and control wheel — Intimate Partner Sexual Abuse. Men’s intimate partner sexual abuse involves expecting or demanding sex when she doesn’t desire it, then ignoring her wishes, ignoring her protests, telling her that ‘no’ really means ‘yes’. Sexual abuse entails

Children’s exposure to intimate partner abuse

– Posted in: Children's exposure to abuse Male perpetrators

I recently co-wrote two issues papers that address children's exposure to intimate partner abuse. They're available here. The first paper is titled Understanding connections and relationships: Child maltreatment, intimate partner violence and parenting and it explores: The links between child maltreatment and intimate partner violence The detrimental effects of children’s exposure to intimate partner violence The

Tactic #11 — Using the Children

– Posted in: Children's exposure to abuse Intimate partner abuse Male perpetrators Why does he do it

This is the eleventh of 16 blogs discussing the patterns of tactics from my power and control wheel — Using the Children.Ways men use the children to maintain power and control or to punish their partner or ex-partner include demanding that she do all the childcare, making her feel guilty about the children, telling her

Tactic #10 — Denial, Minimising, Blaming

– Posted in: Intimate partner abuse Male perpetrators Why does he do it

This is the tenth of 16 blogs discussing the patterns of tactics from my power and control wheel — Denial, Minimising, Blaming. We are all responsible for the choices we make in life. We’re personally responsible for our own thoughts, beliefs, assumptions and interpretations of situations. Our thoughts lead to our feelings and in turn

Move forward immediately - Get online help with Clare Yes. I'm ready.