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Learn About Coercive Control and Psychological Abuse


I welcome and value your comments. Readers of my website welcome your comments. I encourage free expression of your specific personal experience. Please note that I reserve the right to edit or delete comments that fail to abide by SpeakOutLoud’s policy. I read every comment before posting it. Sometimes I am able to do this immediately, but at other times it may take me several days.


My comment policy is aimed at ensuring you feel safe to comment. This includes not posting your surname or any other identifying information.

I do not accept comments that are abusive, or that make sweeping stereotypical generalisations.
I delete parts of comments that do not make sense and I edit comments that use “txt” language.
I do not accept posts that make excessive use of capitals and exclamation marks.
I do not accept unsolicited work or commercial approaches.
I do not provide advice in the comment section.
Please refrain from using the comment section to promote yourself or your product.

I offer my in-depth SpeakOutLoud website for free but I charge an hourly fee for private one-to-one counselling, coaching, and supervision.
I provide quotes for consulting work, including court reports, training and workshops, and research projects. Contact me here
* If you cannot afford my fee, please talk with me about the price you can afford.

On this website I am writing about, and from, the perspectives of my Masters research, my PhD research, and related experiences in my consulting work.

That means I focus on two main issues:
1. Heterosexual men who perpetrate emotional abuse and control against their female partners, and
2. Heterosexual women who have survived these same behaviours.

In New Zealand about 92% of all applications for protection orders are made by women.
Police records, crime surveys and hospital records show that men’s intimate partner abuse against women is far more common than women’s abuse against male partners.

Research shows similar patterns world-wide. Women are more likely to experience repeated ongoing abuse, and greater levels of fear than do men who experience violence by female partners.

Research from USA shows that women are seven to ten times more likely to be seriously injured by their male partner than men are by female partners. These high numbers reflect the imbalance of power relations embedded in our social structures.

The issues of fear, harm and the ongoing repetitive use of power and control are vital factors that have to be taken into account when considering the issue of who abuses who.

I know that men living with female partners experience physical, sexual and psychological abuse, as do men and women living with same-sex partners. In due course I will write from these other perspectives.

Meanwhile, I will not accept any comments, or other communications, erroneously pointing out that this website is biased in this regard.