SpeakOutLoud

About Coercive Control and Psychological Abuse

Coping strategies

How mothers can support daughters coping with an abusive relationship

– Posted in: Helping victims/survivors, SAFETY of Women & Children, Why does he do it

Judy, whose heart was breaking witnessing her daughter living with an abusive man, made a comment about her daughter under my post Warning Signs that your Male Partner is Controlling you: “We hardly ever get to see her …. It’s all a lot of small things — calling her names, abusive to the max, being [...]

Tactic #15 — How Men Coerce Women into Domestic Slavery and why Equality is the Answer

– Posted in: Gender socialisation, Intimate partner abuse, Male perpetrators, Why does he do it

This is the fifteenth of 16 blogs discussing the patterns of tactics from my power and control wheel — Domestic Slavery. Amongst heterosexual couples, many people believe the man should be the breadwinner (although being the sole breadwinner is really only possible for wealthy families). Alongside this, many people believe the woman should stay at [...]

Tactic #14 — Symbolic Aggression

– Posted in: Intimate partner abuse, Male perpetrators, SAFETY of Women & Children, Why does he do it

This is the fourteenth of 16 blogs discussing the patterns of tactics from my power and control wheel — Symbolic Aggression. Drawing from research with men who have used symbolic aggression, and women who have been subjected to it, this blog illustrates just some of the tactics — these include the ways the perpetrator uses [...]

Tactic #13 — Intimate Partner Sexual abuse

– Posted in: Intimate partner abuse, Male perpetrators, Sexual Abuse, Why does he do it

This is the thirteenth of 16 blogs discussing the patterns of tactics from my power and control wheel — Intimate Partner Sexual Abuse. Men’s intimate partner sexual abuse involves expecting or demanding sex when she doesn’t desire it, then ignoring her wishes, ignoring her protests, telling her that ‘no’ really means ‘yes’. Sexual abuse entails [...]

Tactic #11 — Using the Children

– Posted in: Children's exposure to abuse, Intimate partner abuse, Male perpetrators, Why does he do it

This is the eleventh of 16 blogs discussing the patterns of tactics from my power and control wheel — Using the Children.Ways men use the children to maintain power and control or to punish their partner or ex-partner include demanding that she do all the childcare, making her feel guilty about the children, telling her [...]

Tactic #10 — Denial, Minimising, Blaming

– Posted in: Intimate partner abuse, Male perpetrators, Why does he do it

This is the tenth of 16 blogs discussing the patterns of tactics from my power and control wheel — Denial, Minimising, Blaming. We are all responsible for the choices we make in life. We’re personally responsible for our own thoughts, beliefs, assumptions and interpretations of situations. Our thoughts lead to our feelings and in turn [...]

Tactic #9 — Using Social Institutions and Social Prejudices

– Posted in: Intimate partner abuse, Male perpetrators, Social Institutions & Abuse, Why does he do it

This is the ninth of 16 blogs discussing the patterns of tactics from my power and control wheel – Using Social Institutions and Social Prejudices. Many perpetrators of psychological abuse use social, health, legal and other institutions such as child protection services as arenas to further their coercive control over their intimate partner. They use [...]

Tactic #7 — Degradation & Suppression of Potential

– Posted in: Fear and shame, Intimate partner abuse, Male perpetrators, Why does he do it

This is the seventh of 16 blogs discussing the patterns of tactics from my power and control wheel – Degradation & Suppression of Potential. Men who degrade their female partner do this by calling her derogatory names like slut or whore, using abusive language, correcting things the woman says or does, by depriving her of [...]

Tactic #6 — Emotional Unkindness & Violation of Trust

– Posted in: Fear and shame, Intimate partner abuse, Male perpetrators, Why does he do it

This is the sixth of 16 blogs discussing the patterns of tactics from my power and control wheel – Emotional unkindness & violation of trust. Emotional unkindness entails DOING something unkind and the ABSENCE of, or FAILURE to do something kind. Emotional unkindness is a failure to provide for emotional needs such as encouragement, understanding, [...]

Tactic #5 — Over-Protection and ‘Caring’

– Posted in: Intimate partner abuse, Male perpetrators, Why does he do it

This is the fifth of 16 blogs discussing the patterns of tactics from my power and control wheel – Over-protection and ‘caring’. Many men who psychologically abuse and control their female partners do not define their behaviour as cruel or abusive. This is partly because their behaviours make perfect sense when viewed from their belief [...]

Tactic #4 — Isolation

– Posted in: Intimate partner abuse, Male perpetrators, Why does he do it

This is the fourth of 16 blogs discussing the patterns of tactics from my power and control wheel – Isolation. Isolation is a pivotal tactic that controlling partners use in order to weaken their victims, prevent them from hearing others’ perspectives, and to bring them into line with his own beliefs and requirements. Often possessiveness [...]

Tactic #2 — Mind Games

– Posted in: Intimate partner abuse, Male perpetrators, Why does he do it

This is the second of 16 blogs discussing the patterns of tactics from my power and control wheel – Mind Games.   Mind Games are deliberate attempts to psychologically manipulate someone. They are covert, coercive, manipulative intentions masked by innocent sounding communication. Mind Game language is designed to confuse and keep the victim from guessing [...]

No bruise no victim?

– Posted in: Helping victims/survivors

One of the most common problems for women experiencing psychological abuse, is that they do not realise what is occurring in the early stages and are often not able to put it in context of their normal lives. When psychological abuse begins it will often creep in over time; a subtle edge of voice tone, [...]

Warning signs that your male partner is emotionally controlling you

– Posted in: Helping victims/survivors, Male perpetrators, SAFETY of Women & Children, Warning signs of abuse, Why does he do it

Perhaps you got into the relationship quickly, maybe had sex much sooner than you wanted. Maybe you didn’t develop a friendship before suddenly spending most of your time with him and hardly, if ever, seeing your friends or family any more. Your life may have narrowed so that you’re no longer pursuing your own interests [...]