In fact, a lot of the time I did not stand up for myself as I should, that’s why the abuse continues. In fact, one of the things my ex-pastor and pastor’s wife used to shift blame was the whole idea “Christians are not perfect, it is thru learning to tolerate one another, we learn to grow together”. While that is true, and I agree with it wholeheartedly, I think when you try to use this concept and apply to every situation, then you are abusing the scripture through taking passages out of context. Because in the end of the day, there is a clear difference between imperfect vs abuse. I don’t mind people yelling at me once because they had a bad day, as long they apologise later, however, I won’t classify consistent physical intimidation, attempt to turn the entire church against me through misconstrued facts etc etc as merely imperfection. Those behaviours are bullying, full stop. And yes, acknowledge some of them may have issues and should be given all the help and support they can get, however, this should not be by going up to the victim and telling them to behave like a doormat as a solution. If a person has anger issues, they should be given counselling and prayer etc etc to help them, but if they continue to intimidate others, then maybe it might be a good idea for them to not come to church for a while until they have their problem fairly under control. And in event where people aren’t even acknonledging their attitude as sinful eg rude and disrespecful attitude towards others, they should be dealt with immediately so no one else would get hurt.

I dealt with being bullied from late elementary school all the way through high school, and even a bit in college (although that was nothing like it was in high school), so you would think I would have recognized what was happening in my church. I began attending my husband’s church just before we were married, and for 10 years I struggled to fit in and to be allowed to serve in the teaching ministry. I jumped through all the hoops–attended all the required classes and leadership trainings, became a member and got re-baptized–yet was still unable to “break in.” Every year when the church held their Ministry Fair, I signed my name to be an adult Sunday school teacher. Sometimes I heard from leadership; sometimes I did not.

Finally, I thought I’d have a chance when a friend and teacher in the Women’s Bible Study suggested me for a teaching position. The leader of the Bible Study was glad to give me the curriculum list and decide what I’d like to teach. When I contacted her with my selection, she apologized profusely and said that the Women’s Pastor had blown a gasket and said that *SHE* made the decision who would teach and said I had to talk to HER. Yet when I tried to set a meeting with her, she either never responded or was unavailable.

To make a long story short, when I finally did get a teaching position, I was suddenly asked to step down from any and all ministry at that church because of questions I was dealing with and because the Women’s Pastor didn’t approve of a TV show I watched. She said my questions would lead others astray, so I could not minister to anyone till I got those questions answered (obviously in a way that agrees with the church).

I kept wondering what was wrong with me. I finally realized that I’m not the one with the problem–I’m not perfect, but I do not deserve the treatment I have received. I have never felt accepted at this church. I always felt I had to put on a mask, to pretend to fit in with everyone else, or I would be shunned. It took a while for me to accept that this was bullying, the same kind of garbage I had to put up with at school.

I am quiet by nature and hate confrontation.

I don’t think I can change my personality, so I just avoid social settings as much as possible now.

I prefer my own company.

Even more sad is the things that people do to get and retain power.

But it need not always be this way, as Margaret Jones shows us. We can have power and we can use it.

The power that her current church uses has several important elements like structure and initiative. And probably the paramount one: speaking openly and directly.

‘Speaking truth to power’.