Comments on: Why do so many women lose custody battles? http://speakoutloud.net/child-custody/women-lose-custody-battles See the power and control, free your mind, open your heart, live fully Sun, 29 Jan 2012 02:26:26 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 By: Betiel Mehari http://speakoutloud.net/child-custody/women-lose-custody-battles#comment-183 Betiel Mehari Sun, 29 Jan 2012 02:26:26 +0000 http://www.speakoutloud.net/?p=865#comment-183 Wow never knew a lot of woman go through this until now that I'm going through this. I was engaged to an abuser and left him after a couple times that he hit me, choked me and threatened me with the knife when I was pregnant. Well I had a healthy baby boy despite all the stress I was going through. Well after I had my baby I let him see my son every weekend but I always had somebody with me and I met him in public place. To make the story short my dad was ill so I traveled with my 4month old son at that time overseas and I got back after a few months. Even though the father was informed where I went and my contact number (by the way our family know each other very well that's how I met him and I'm from very very small country where everybody knows everybody) and I got back a few months ago and started working. Next thing I know I was arrested for child abduction and my son was taken away by his father. I was still breast feeding him at that time, my son never spent a single night away from me. I missed his first xmas, first birthday just because I refused to be with the abuser and he wants to break me. Now I'm fighting for me and my son. It breaks my heart I have no contact with my son - it's been 6 weeks. The father lied about serving me, he went to family court asking for joint custody knowing I'm not in the state, since he pretends not to know where I was at, he got temp full custody. Just evil. I can use advice please email me at bitat1 [at] yahoo.com Wow never knew a lot of woman go through this until now that I’m going through this. I was engaged to an abuser and left him after a couple times that he hit me, choked me and threatened me with the knife when I was pregnant. Well I had a healthy baby boy despite all the stress I was going through. Well after I had my baby I let him see my son every weekend but I always had somebody with me and I met him in public place. To make the story short my dad was ill so I traveled with my 4month old son at that time overseas and I got back after a few months. Even though the father was informed where I went and my contact number (by the way our family know each other very well that’s how I met him and I’m from very very small country where everybody knows everybody) and I got back a few months ago and started working. Next thing I know I was arrested for child abduction and my son was taken away by his father. I was still breast feeding him at that time, my son never spent a single night away from me. I missed his first xmas, first birthday just because I refused to be with the abuser and he wants to break me. Now I’m fighting for me and my son. It breaks my heart I have no contact with my son – it’s been 6 weeks. The father lied about serving me, he went to family court asking for joint custody knowing I’m not in the state, since he pretends not to know where I was at, he got temp full custody. Just evil. I can use advice please email me at bitat1 [at] yahoo.com

]]> By: Ann http://speakoutloud.net/child-custody/women-lose-custody-battles#comment-178 Ann Sat, 21 Jan 2012 03:32:51 +0000 http://www.speakoutloud.net/?p=865#comment-178 Amber your story IS mine, this is scary the only difference is the forensic evaluator in my case report was 30 pages. I also had a mental evaluation prior to my divorce and I have been seeing a phsyciatrist for zoloft (symptoms of anxiety after a passing in my family) for two years and I have been evaluated on a monthly basis and have no symptoms (other than what I mentioned above) such as the forensic evaluator described me through the court. I had my daughter taken away from me and given my husband temporary full custody until the end of January when there will be a hearing. This all happened two days before Christmas and I only got to spend 8 hours the day before Christmas and with supervised visitation! After that day I didn't get to see her for 16 days, and my ex doesn't let me speak to her even though it was a court order. I now get to see her every other weekend and once a week for 6 hours. I was the primary caretaker and a stay at home mother since her birth. I'm terrified of losing her permanently and I'm running out of time...! Our stories are almost identical, I'm in NYC I'm wondering if perhaps we had the same court appointed people involved. Please e-mail me (Elisabethson [at] gmail.com), maybe we can help each other. Amber your story IS mine, this is scary the only difference is the forensic evaluator in my case report was 30 pages. I also had a mental evaluation prior to my divorce and I have been seeing a phsyciatrist for zoloft (symptoms of anxiety after a passing in my family) for two years and I have been evaluated on a monthly basis and have no symptoms (other than what I mentioned above) such as the forensic evaluator described me through the court. I had my daughter taken away from me and given my husband temporary full custody until the end of January when there will be a hearing. This all happened two days before Christmas and I only got to spend 8 hours the day before Christmas and with supervised visitation! After that day I didn’t get to see her for 16 days, and my ex doesn’t let me speak to her even though it was a court order. I now get to see her every other weekend and once a week for 6 hours. I was the primary caretaker and a stay at home mother since her birth. I’m terrified of losing her permanently and I’m running out of time…! Our stories are almost identical, I’m in NYC I’m wondering if perhaps we had the same court appointed people involved. Please e-mail me (Elisabethson [at] gmail.com), maybe we can help each other.

]]> By: Ann http://speakoutloud.net/child-custody/women-lose-custody-battles#comment-177 Ann Sat, 21 Jan 2012 03:18:34 +0000 http://www.speakoutloud.net/?p=865#comment-177 Amy, My story is very similar. My heart goes out to you. I haven't completely lost yet, but I have heard from numerous sources that I don't stand a chance against my abusive alcoholic and drug taking husband. I am not going to give up hope and I will fight for her if there is any way at all that I can get in contact with you please let me know! Amy, My story is very similar. My heart goes out to you. I haven’t completely lost yet, but I have heard from numerous sources that I don’t stand a chance against my abusive alcoholic and drug taking husband. I am not going to give up hope and I will fight for her if there is any way at all that I can get in contact with you please let me know!

]]> By: Danielle Smart http://speakoutloud.net/child-custody/women-lose-custody-battles#comment-175 Danielle Smart Thu, 19 Jan 2012 16:29:13 +0000 http://www.speakoutloud.net/?p=865#comment-175 I replied to some stories, I was hoping I was the only one in the world going through this, for every other child's sake, but unfortunately I'm not. I live in Australia and my ex husband (a politician and lawyer) was very emotionally abusive and occasionally physically. I was always degraded, especially sexually. I have a son who is now 5. When he just turned 3, I couldn't take the abuse and threats anymore, I made the decision to save myself and go to the police. My son and I were placed in a refuge and he was arrested and charged with dv and there was an AVO placed on him. I went to the police because I had no family in NSW and I wasn't allowed friends. When the police told me he was to be arrested, I begged them not to because I knew he would be coming for me. When he was charged, the police also took 4 guns from him which in the 4 year relationship, I did not know they existed. I felt my gut feelings were right to run that night. He had threatened to kill me many times before this. A month later I went to visit my family in WA. During that visit an article was published in the newspaper (as he is a politician) he phoned me 30 times that day (in breach if his AVO) I answered a couple of them, he was angry and told me I was dead. Well I didn't return to NSW that week because I knew I wasn't safe and my son was taken from me by his father with a judge's order. I was heartbroken. His father never changed a nappy, or did anything because that was a woman's job and he worked. There was no bond because his father would hit him in the head and belt him with whatever he could grab if he made a mess. He was scared of his dad. I went to criminal court regarding the domestic violence and the charge was dismissed because there were no witnesses or physical injuries. The AVO still stood though and the judge pointed out the dishonestly in my husband's story. (Dishonesty is not a valid reason to charge someone, only physical evidence.) I managed to get a visit with my son after a lot of obstacles. I was allowed 3 hours and my son begged me to hold him the whole time. When I handed him back, he was so scared, he was grinding his teeth. At midnight his father told me I had broken my sons leg and he had been in hospital all night. His father didn't want me to have another visitation with my son. My son a year later brought this up and told me that his dad punched and squashed his leg after mummy gave him his Teddy. (That is what I gave him on my visitation.) There was an AVO breach hearing scheduled a few months later in the criminal court but was dismissed early that morning, I was not given a proper reason but I will say me ex husband's sister worked for the DPP at that time and not long after resigned. I had a significant amount of evidence and the police said they have never heard of anything like this happening. Now family court, my husband's family owned a family law firm which represented him, as well as himself being a lawyer. He also had a barrister who was a family friend representing him. I had myself with no knowledge and no money. I did have a job, but nothing special. It was so traumatizing for me, I had to face my attacker and his entourage of power. The judge did not acknowledge a thing and he was frustrated at my lack of court room etiquette and vocabulary. I did bring to his attention the police documents with the other dv reports by other women and my ex husband's admittance into psychiatric care. As well as major inconsistencies in his material and child abuse reports and my own dv records from when my son was 2 months old. I had no police records other than the ones I filed against my husband and no mental health records. The judge told me I was deluded and paranoid because I still fear this man and has ordered me to see a psychologist. He gave my ex husband full custody and I get to see my son for half of the school holidays (7 weeks a year). I still can't get my head around it all and this is the short story, there is so much more of what my ex husband has done but it seems no one cares or can do anything. I replied to some stories, I was hoping I was the only one in the world going through this, for every other child’s sake, but unfortunately I’m not. I live in Australia and my ex husband (a politician and lawyer) was very emotionally abusive and occasionally physically. I was always degraded, especially sexually. I have a son who is now 5. When he just turned 3, I couldn’t take the abuse and threats anymore, I made the decision to save myself and go to the police. My son and I were placed in a refuge and he was arrested and charged with dv and there was an AVO placed on him. I went to the police because I had no family in NSW and I wasn’t allowed friends. When the police told me he was to be arrested, I begged them not to because I knew he would be coming for me. When he was charged, the police also took 4 guns from him which in the 4 year relationship, I did not know they existed. I felt my gut feelings were right to run that night. He had threatened to kill me many times before this. A month later I went to visit my family in WA. During that visit an article was published in the newspaper (as he is a politician) he phoned me 30 times that day (in breach if his AVO) I answered a couple of them, he was angry and told me I was dead. Well I didn’t return to NSW that week because I knew I wasn’t safe and my son was taken from me by his father with a judge’s order. I was heartbroken. His father never changed a nappy, or did anything because that was a woman’s job and he worked. There was no bond because his father would hit him in the head and belt him with whatever he could grab if he made a mess. He was scared of his dad. I went to criminal court regarding the domestic violence and the charge was dismissed because there were no witnesses or physical injuries. The AVO still stood though and the judge pointed out the dishonestly in my husband’s story. (Dishonesty is not a valid reason to charge someone, only physical evidence.) I managed to get a visit with my son after a lot of obstacles. I was allowed 3 hours and my son begged me to hold him the whole time. When I handed him back, he was so scared, he was grinding his teeth. At midnight his father told me I had broken my sons leg and he had been in hospital all night. His father didn’t want me to have another visitation with my son. My son a year later brought this up and told me that his dad punched and squashed his leg after mummy gave him his Teddy. (That is what I gave him on my visitation.) There was an AVO breach hearing scheduled a few months later in the criminal court but was dismissed early that morning, I was not given a proper reason but I will say me ex husband’s sister worked for the DPP at that time and not long after resigned. I had a significant amount of evidence and the police said they have never heard of anything like this happening. Now family court, my husband’s family owned a family law firm which represented him, as well as himself being a lawyer. He also had a barrister who was a family friend representing him. I had myself with no knowledge and no money. I did have a job, but nothing special. It was so traumatizing for me, I had to face my attacker and his entourage of power. The judge did not acknowledge a thing and he was frustrated at my lack of court room etiquette and vocabulary. I did bring to his attention the police documents with the other dv reports by other women and my ex husband’s admittance into psychiatric care. As well as major inconsistencies in his material and child abuse reports and my own dv records from when my son was 2 months old. I had no police records other than the ones I filed against my husband and no mental health records. The judge told me I was deluded and paranoid because I still fear this man and has ordered me to see a psychologist. He gave my ex husband full custody and I get to see my son for half of the school holidays (7 weeks a year). I still can’t get my head around it all and this is the short story, there is so much more of what my ex husband has done but it seems no one cares or can do anything.

]]> By: Danielle Smart http://speakoutloud.net/child-custody/women-lose-custody-battles#comment-174 Danielle Smart Thu, 19 Jan 2012 15:12:25 +0000 http://www.speakoutloud.net/?p=865#comment-174 Molly, it is so true, it's been 2 years for me since I lost my son to an abuser and I still can't understand why, so many records against my ex husband and it didn't mean a thing. I had to run my own case in NSW, I had no money and didn't have a chance. My sons interests weren't on the table. When you are so abused, your child is the only light in the darkness and to know your baby is placed permanently in that environment without you, it is very hard to understand. Molly, it is so true, it’s been 2 years for me since I lost my son to an abuser and I still can’t understand why, so many records against my ex husband and it didn’t mean a thing. I had to run my own case in NSW, I had no money and didn’t have a chance. My sons interests weren’t on the table. When you are so abused, your child is the only light in the darkness and to know your baby is placed permanently in that environment without you, it is very hard to understand.

]]> By: Danielle Smart http://speakoutloud.net/child-custody/women-lose-custody-battles#comment-173 Danielle Smart Thu, 19 Jan 2012 14:58:35 +0000 http://www.speakoutloud.net/?p=865#comment-173 Me too, I left violence. My ex husband has got my son after having 4 other dv records by other women and a psychiatric history. I was put in a refuge by the police and he threatened to kill me several times and I went to my family in another state and I lost all parental rights to my son. There are records of child abuse against my son as well but I had no money for a lawyer and my ex was one. I know my son is being abused but I can't do anything, I want to protect him but I have no rights. I have no criminal or psychiatric history and I grieve constantly. Me too, I left violence. My ex husband has got my son after having 4 other dv records by other women and a psychiatric history. I was put in a refuge by the police and he threatened to kill me several times and I went to my family in another state and I lost all parental rights to my son. There are records of child abuse against my son as well but I had no money for a lawyer and my ex was one. I know my son is being abused but I can’t do anything, I want to protect him but I have no rights. I have no criminal or psychiatric history and I grieve constantly.

]]> By: Cindy Carolina G. http://speakoutloud.net/child-custody/women-lose-custody-battles#comment-171 Cindy Carolina G. Mon, 02 Jan 2012 02:37:10 +0000 http://www.speakoutloud.net/?p=865#comment-171 Jackie, I am going through the exact thing. Please email me and tell me how it is going. My daughter is just 1 year old and don't know how to deal with this. cindygarcia2010 [at] gmail.com Jackie, I am going through the exact thing. Please email me and tell me how it is going. My daughter is just 1 year old and don’t know how to deal with this. cindygarcia2010 [at] gmail.com

]]> By: Amber http://speakoutloud.net/child-custody/women-lose-custody-battles#comment-169 Amber Thu, 29 Dec 2011 07:54:27 +0000 http://www.speakoutloud.net/?p=865#comment-169 I am set to lose custody of my child in the morning due to an abusive ex who looks great on paper, and has tons of money, as well as a biased custody evaluator who is essentially a hired gun. The report with recommendations didn't come in until today but the judge wouldn't allow a continuance so, therefore, not enough time to prepare an adequate defense. This evaluator lied so much in his report, that it would take me all day to write down the lies dispersed over 40 pages. My heart is breaking right now. My daughter is 5 and she has been my world since the day she was born. My mind keeps running over memories and flashes of her from birth to now. There is no way I can win this one. I am a great mother. Not a perfect mother, but a great mother. My child has been alienated as well by her father and stepmother and no one will listen to me. The guardian ad litem hated my ex but now she's siding with the evaluator? The family court system is corrupt. Biased evaluators need to have consequences for their actions. I will be filing a complaint with the licensing board and the APA. FYI, I'm also a licensed mental health counselor with concentrations in child development. Yet, somehow I don't know how to effectively discipline my child? I call bull. I don't know what to do anymore. I am set to lose custody of my child in the morning due to an abusive ex who looks great on paper, and has tons of money, as well as a biased custody evaluator who is essentially a hired gun. The report with recommendations didn’t come in until today but the judge wouldn’t allow a continuance so, therefore, not enough time to prepare an adequate defense. This evaluator lied so much in his report, that it would take me all day to write down the lies dispersed over 40 pages.

My heart is breaking right now. My daughter is 5 and she has been my world since the day she was born. My mind keeps running over memories and flashes of her from birth to now. There is no way I can win this one.

I am a great mother. Not a perfect mother, but a great mother. My child has been alienated as well by her father and stepmother and no one will listen to me. The guardian ad litem hated my ex but now she’s siding with the evaluator? The family court system is corrupt. Biased evaluators need to have consequences for their actions. I will be filing a complaint with the licensing board and the APA.

FYI, I’m also a licensed mental health counselor with concentrations in child development. Yet, somehow I don’t know how to effectively discipline my child? I call bull.

I don’t know what to do anymore.

]]> By: Anonymous http://speakoutloud.net/child-custody/women-lose-custody-battles#comment-168 Anonymous Wed, 28 Dec 2011 04:56:26 +0000 http://www.speakoutloud.net/?p=865#comment-168 I'm glad I read this. My kids were taken away. I am a good mother had a stable home and a Job. But remarried and ex got upset and got a good lawyer and my children are gone. I cry every night wishing my kids were home with me. Money does play a big role on the court system. Sorry to say I don't trust the law any more. I’m glad I read this. My kids were taken away. I am a good mother had a stable home and a Job. But remarried and ex got upset and got a good lawyer and my children are gone. I cry every night wishing my kids were home with me. Money does play a big role on the court system. Sorry to say I don’t trust the law any more.

]]> By: Clare http://speakoutloud.net/child-custody/women-lose-custody-battles#comment-112 Clare Sat, 05 Nov 2011 03:16:22 +0000 http://www.speakoutloud.net/?p=865#comment-112 D - you can check out what support you could get from The Protective Mother's Alliance - http://www.protectivemothersalliance.org/ I wish you well. Clare D – you can check out what support you could get from The Protective Mother’s Alliance – http://www.protectivemothersalliance.org/ I wish you well. Clare

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