On this PBS video you will hear children talking about the impact of domestic violence and the failure of the court system to honour their needs and keep them safe. You will also see domestic violence and legal professionals describe the all too common fact that justice is not being done in favour of many many children.
This is a vast problem that reflects the interplay between male abusers’ use of children as weapons against women to maintain power and control, and to maintain what they consider to be their “rightful” position as head of the family. Plus . . . it reflects the support for such abuse by some professionals who are either ill-informed about the realities of psychological control, or who intentionally support men’s right to have power over women and children.
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{ 10 comments… read them below or add one }
I experienced this in Ireland.
I was told by my lawyer, not to mention sexual abuse or domestic abuse as the “JUDGES ARE SICK TO DEATH OF HEARING IT.”
I was told by the social workers that i was too powerful for a woman and the system was merely teaching me my place in society-that I am only a woman.
The system tried to get my son locked up and given Electric Shock Therapy to burn out the memories of abuse, which the reporter said never happened.
Best interest of the child was Hitler SS slogan and needs to be removed. (I studied Hitler and the SS regime – Lebensborn Project. It was considered best for children to be removed from their natural mothers at birth and given to appropriate foster carers.The children were not to receive any love. The carers were to teach the children to obey – carers ate food while children got nothing and were beaten if they did not obey.)
Thanks for this story on Abusers gain custody.
I am an American citizen, who experienced the same situation when I divorced in Australia.
Australian courts do the same, give children to the abuser even if they know the person is an abuser.
My personal story can briefly be described in these words: Justice L wrote in her 2007 reasons for judgment for my children:
“17. The Act makes it clear that the children’s welfare is the paramount consideration…The father’s history suggests that he would not accept and adapt to a decision which did not suit him. He entered into consent orders but said he was really overborne. After the hearing and the appeal it took only a short time before he had brought the matter back to court with the present situation. If this decision is not to his liking I would expect that there would be further litigation.
20. I have no doubt that they (the children) have been under a great deal of psychological pressure from the husband and more subtly from the actions of the wife’s family, to take the husband’s side.”
24. Unfortunately I think any programme of contact to have the boys regularly see their mother whilst they are living with him and dependent on him, is doomed. The father has no respect for the children’s rights to see their mother. They would be interrogated, subtly or otherwise, and be visited with displeasure if they saw their mother.”
Justice L then left my sons with their father and within an abusive environment and no contact with me, the mother, the nonviolent one.
Why? Because it stopped the children being exposed to violence against their mother?
Jeanette, I read that judgement last year. I was flabbergasted to read it. It clearly shows that the judicial system *knew* the father would not willingly facilitate a relationship between the children and the mother, therefore, the children were not allowed to have contact with the mother.
It’s just an insane judgement.
I really feel for you and you have my deepest sympathies. I’d love to know how this case unfolded and what has occured since.
I had the Hague Convention on child abduction enacted against me when I broke a tribal court order in the United States. I took my five year old back to Canada where we were both born and I didn’t hide. I had to. My child’s father had kept us trapped in a rat infested shack under the threat that he would take our child and I would never see her again because I was an illegal alien in the US and she was now a tribal member. The fact that his brother was chief and that his other family members ran the tribal court only gave his threat gravity and the ring of truth.
We lived like that for nearly five years until he decided to beat me in the driveway in front of our daughter before abducting her for three months. Without getting into the grisly details of my time in shelters and on the street while searching for her, it was clear from the outset that no one gave a damn about my child but me. The assault was considered a fourth degree misdemeanor because we were in a relationship! My daughter’s abduction by this man wasn’t legally considered an abduction because he was her father and with no custody order in place no law had actually been broken. A police officer in Washington state actually told me that as far as they were concerned she was just with her father. I did the paper work, filed a petition for custody and he never showed up for court. He missed the next court date as well. He was thumbing his nose at the law and despite his history of abusing women and taking another minor girl ten years previously across state lines for the purposes of a sexual relationship, no one did a thing. He had the power and they helped him keep it. Everyone got in on the act: The National Center for Missing and Exploited Children, the Justice Department in the US, the Tribal Court, the Ministry of Justice in Canada, several lawyers, the media, Walmart, you name it and they were in it to stop one woman from keeping her daughter safe from an abusive monster with a criminal record and a history of violence against women.
In the end, after suffering and being re-abused by the system at the request of this man, my daughter and I broke free and live in our own country but the price we paid for living in a society that is set up to maintain male dominance has been very high. The entire situation with the Hague Convention being used to control women and in fact assist their abusers in hunting them down, many times leads to tragic consequences. Ernie Allen is not in the business of finding children abducted by strangers he is in the business of recovering children and their mothers for violent men to control and re-abuse. Walmart is married to this situation and I will never forget the stomach dropping sensation when I saw my face and my little girl’s face on the wall in one of their stores. The overwhelming feeling of persecution and helplessness is indescribable.
If there is a bright side, it is that we won our case on appeal, after the court here in Canada decided to send my child back to a foster home in Washington state until custody was determined there. Our situation was precedent setting and at least I can say that if a woman and her child/children face this situation in this province we have made it easier for her to have a fighting chance to save her babies.
I am horrified by what I read. Can this really be the society we live in today – the corrupt barbaric deluded decisions made by those (Judges) in power – sickens me to the pit of my stomach. We could liken these stories I read, and see, to the modern day Holocaust again Women and their children. I will not give up my plight for my children – even if all that is achieved is not more than a smudging on the so-called judicial system. I have two English born sons – 9 and 7 – left the mentally and physically abusive ex-husband when they were only 6 and 4. Despite his violence to me, my partner – in front of the children – his acts of dragging the children through windows – to take them off me… poison their minds against me… and then be arrested twice… the court in NZ (as we emigrated here in 2007) awarded shared care. The Ex is a New Zealander. I cannot return to UK with the boys. I have had a stroke at the age of 43 – all brought about by this so-called man. It goes on and on… We must never give up … share our plight for what is right. A child needs their mother….. a mother is a unique bond – and for those mothers who have lost their children – don’t worry – the children WILL come back, and it will be the father who is the ultimate loser.
Matri Genocide….. the Mother aspect is the last aspect of the feminine being destroyed. The system destroys her and children as it destroys our mother Earth.
The whole system is patriarchal – set up to support male domination over females. Women and children are placed in the same class – lower than him. He is the God, the head of the house according to the sacred texts – and it is this ancient creation of male supremacy in our collective consciousness that needs to be looked at.
From Engendered Lives by Ellyn Kaschak . . . “For a boy or man in patriarchal culture, women are often not experienced as individuals separate from himself. First his mother, then his wife, and finally his daughters are experienced as extensions of himself and his own needs. This right is extended to all men in a patriarchal society, who have the right to view and evaluate, to sexualise any woman who falls within the range of their sight. The oedipal complex in men rarely reaches resolution in a patriarchal society, as adult men typically continue to experience themselves in this grandiose manner, which includes a sense of entitlement to women. Thus, it is a complex neither of childhood nor of sexuality narrowly defined, but one that applies more generally to masculine psychology in a patriarchal system.”
I lost custody of my 3 year old son in 2008 to the abuser. Judge Blaney in NJ did it.
There is no bias. Women fail to report and this makes it more difficult to prove domestic violence. Judges cannot rule without following points of law. So the lesson is to leave a trail. Even if you do not have your partner arrested or restrained, there are ways that you can prove violence. Social workers, friends, doctors can all be subpeoned and if you make reports to these people in a timely manner then they will be credible witnesses. Lots of people go to court without knowing what is ahead so this is one thing that can be done which will help in court. I am a woman who has won custody over a violent man because I had left evidence.