Comments on: Language women should use in the Family Court http://speakoutloud.net/child-custody/language-of-resistance-in-family-court See the power and control, free your mind, open your heart, live fully Tue, 15 May 2012 10:26:13 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.2 By: michelle http://speakoutloud.net/child-custody/language-of-resistance-in-family-court#comment-306 michelle Sat, 28 Apr 2012 06:04:57 +0000 http://www.speakoutloud.net/?p=876#comment-306 I am so glad that I have come across this website. I thought that I was the only one in this whole world going through my own personal hell. I am the mother of 4 children who were taken from me by my ex husband through an emergency ex parts order after I left him and rented a home. While I drove 3 hours to go pick up the kids from his house I was served with this order and all hell has broke out since. He has lied in court documents..destroyed my credit..and continues to reek havac because I wanted a divorce. I'm paying 1202 dollars a month in child support..bringing home 255 dollars now every two weeks. I can't afford an attorney and legal aide says I make too much money. I have no visitation and every court motion costs 150. I am so discouraged..desperate and taunted with contempt of court if my payments of support are not made. I wish I had someone to be my voice.. Every day my children suffer thinking I left them and don't love them. I'm praying for help and asking God to help me before too much damage is done. My email is mlmmccrackin [at] yahoo.com if you have any suggestions. I live in SC. I am so glad that I have come across this website. I thought that I was the only one in this whole world going through my own personal hell. I am the mother of 4 children who were taken from me by my ex husband through an emergency ex parts order after I left him and rented a home. While I drove 3 hours to go pick up the kids from his house I was served with this order and all hell has broke out since. He has lied in court documents..destroyed my credit..and continues to reek havac because I wanted a divorce. I’m paying 1202 dollars a month in child support..bringing home 255 dollars now every two weeks. I can’t afford an attorney and legal aide says I make too much money. I have no visitation and every court motion costs 150. I am so discouraged..desperate and taunted with contempt of court if my payments of support are not made. I wish I had someone to be my voice.. Every day my children suffer thinking I left them and don’t love them. I’m praying for help and asking God to help me before too much damage is done. My email is mlmmccrackin [at] yahoo.com if you have any suggestions. I live in SC.

]]> By: Barbara Roberts http://speakoutloud.net/child-custody/language-of-resistance-in-family-court#comment-264 Barbara Roberts Mon, 05 Mar 2012 12:17:57 +0000 http://www.speakoutloud.net/?p=876#comment-264 Dear hurting ones. I did not lose my child to the abuser, but I know of women who have. There is a group called the Protective Mothers Alliance, they can provide support if nothing else. You can find them on the web. The sheer fact that almost every comment on this post is from a survivor of domestic abuse is illustrative of how many of us are out there, and how much we yearn for empathy and kindness from others who GET IT. If any of you are Christians dealing with domestic abuse, you may find some useful stuff on my website and also my blog and Facebook page. Dear hurting ones. I did not lose my child to the abuser, but I know of women who have. There is a group called the Protective Mothers Alliance, they can provide support if nothing else. You can find them on the web.
The sheer fact that almost every comment on this post is from a survivor of domestic abuse is illustrative of how many of us are out there, and how much we yearn for empathy and kindness from others who GET IT.
If any of you are Christians dealing with domestic abuse, you may find some useful stuff on my website and also my blog and Facebook page.

]]> By: marie http://speakoutloud.net/child-custody/language-of-resistance-in-family-court#comment-167 marie Sun, 25 Dec 2011 21:59:51 +0000 http://www.speakoutloud.net/?p=876#comment-167 Dear muted by agony. Please keep up your courage. I am not in a similar situation, however I am being emotionally tormented by a husband of 31 years, who has a son who sexually abused my daughter over ten years. My husband will not discuss it with me and expects me to "forget about it because it happened twenty years ago". The family dynamics you talk about are always there for me as well because I feel my daughter has no rights nor do I. I think you have to keep believing in yourself by getting help from a women's group who know about abuse you will find support. I have gained personal strength by reading about abusive men and how they keep control over you even if you have or have lost custody or left. I am in the process of leaving I am 67 years old and have had many long sleepless nights wondering why. I hope you keep looking at your own worth and keep strong because there could come a time that it will help you. I would keep a copy of his text messages and any from his wife especially if there is a pattern of abuse and you keep your responses very objective. I think he is still controlling you just as he did when you were together and this is a deliberate ploy to weaken you. Please keep reading about these type of ploys. The woman I see has warned me about this controlling even after I leave because there will be tactics to keep me in his loop of control. He has threatened to sue for money because we had payouts and he had more so he wants that money back when we sell the house. She said that if this dispute goes to court it take years to resolve. She said it is his way of keeping his control over me. So I hope you see this as a total lack of empathy on your ex's part and he's out to totally suck up your emotional strength so you do not see the obvious he is out to destroy your mind. I wonder what will happen if you decide to ignore his text messages and only operate on the level of having contact with your children when you can and start separating yourself from powerful controlling ways by ignoring him and his little helper the wife. And I think some day his wife will find herself in your shoes because she has not woken up to the fact that he is the problem not you. I wish luck and sanity on the side of the hell you have gone through. Please keep researching how these men manage to play such mind games. Marie xxx Dear muted by agony.
Please keep up your courage. I am not in a similar situation, however I am being emotionally tormented by a husband of 31 years, who has a son who sexually abused my daughter over ten years.
My husband will not discuss it with me and expects me to “forget about it because it happened twenty years ago”.
The family dynamics you talk about are always there for me as well because I feel my daughter has no rights nor do I.
I think you have to keep believing in yourself by getting help from a women’s group who know about abuse you will find support.
I have gained personal strength by reading about abusive men and how they keep control over you even if you have or have lost custody or left.
I am in the process of leaving I am 67 years old and have had many long sleepless nights wondering why.
I hope you keep looking at your own worth and keep strong because there could come a time that it will help you.
I would keep a copy of his text messages and any from his wife especially if there is a pattern of abuse and you keep your responses very objective.
I think he is still controlling you just as he did when you were together and this is a deliberate ploy to weaken you.
Please keep reading about these type of ploys.
The woman I see has warned me about this controlling even after I leave because there will be tactics to keep me in his loop of control. He has threatened to sue for money because we had payouts and he had more so he wants that money back when we sell the house.
She said that if this dispute goes to court it take years to resolve. She said it is his way of keeping his control over me.
So I hope you see this as a total lack of empathy on your ex’s part and he’s out to totally suck up your emotional strength so you do not see the obvious he is out to destroy your mind. I wonder what will happen if you decide to ignore his text messages and only operate on the level of having contact with your children when you can and start separating yourself from powerful controlling ways by ignoring him and his little helper the wife. And I think some day his wife will find herself in your shoes because she has not woken up to the fact that he is the problem not you.
I wish luck and sanity on the side of the hell you have gone through.
Please keep researching how these men manage to play such mind games.
Marie xxx

]]> By: Alison http://speakoutloud.net/child-custody/language-of-resistance-in-family-court#comment-118 Alison Thu, 27 Oct 2011 11:55:21 +0000 http://www.speakoutloud.net/?p=876#comment-118 Muted by agony...I want to become an advocate as well ... I feel drained ... the endless txts ... I have to turn my phone off sometimes ... I haven't lost her yet but I might next month ... me against him and his holier than thou family ... the fact that I have another daughter who is nearly 18 and both girls are healthy, happy and loved by everyone who meets them won't matter ... the fact that they are my reason for living won't matter ... I'm so afraid they won't be the happy children they are today, if I get to the point where I can't stand upright anymore and be positive for them ... because they love me as much as I love them ... I just need to make it happen ... never give up. Muted by agony…I want to become an advocate as well … I feel drained … the endless txts … I have to turn my phone off sometimes … I haven’t lost her yet but I might next month … me against him and his holier than thou family … the fact that I have another daughter who is nearly 18 and both girls are healthy, happy and loved by everyone who meets them won’t matter … the fact that they are my reason for living won’t matter … I’m so afraid they won’t be the happy children they are today, if I get to the point where I can’t stand upright anymore and be positive for them … because they love me as much as I love them … I just need to make it happen … never give up.

]]> By: muted by agony http://speakoutloud.net/child-custody/language-of-resistance-in-family-court#comment-117 muted by agony Tue, 23 Aug 2011 05:48:57 +0000 http://www.speakoutloud.net/?p=876#comment-117 I have completed all of my classes to become a paralegal. I am about to start my internship. I want to become an attorney. I want to fight this. I want to bring attention to this problem in my small town. I don't have custody of my children. My ex husband's parents are wealthy. My ex husband has a top secret clearance. I am scared but I feel God calling me to do this. I feel like my ex husband is powerful and I am a strong woman but I don't know where to begin. I can't talk to anyone because he always finds out. My ex husband is highly intelligent and finds better ways to manipulate things as we go along. I start to reveal him in new ways and he just learns a new trick. What do I do? If I stand up and fight I could lose the small amount of visitation I have. I actually feel as though my mind is going to shatter from the pain yet I have made it this far. Who can I trust? Do I trust? I feel mute from the agony. There are times that I am in conversation with people and I cannot respond to them. My mouth just shuts because I have no answer to their whys. I don't know why. I can't explain how I could look and seem normal and not have my kids. Does it seem to anyone else out there that mothers who have lost their children are treated like they belong with the lowest of human life? Like we are the abusers, like we are infected, judged so harshly by anyone who knows, doors closed at the mention of your name... and all the while I am trying to pick myself back up he still abuses me through texts and phone calls and now his wife is joining him. The insults and endless fighting in text messages between us not only takes up my time but my mental strength. My children are starting to feel the effects of all of this. Does anyone know anything at all that could help me? I have completed all of my classes to become a paralegal. I am about to start my internship. I want to become an attorney. I want to fight this. I want to bring attention to this problem in my small town. I don’t have custody of my children. My ex husband’s parents are wealthy. My ex husband has a top secret clearance. I am scared but I feel God calling me to do this. I feel like my ex husband is powerful and I am a strong woman but I don’t know where to begin. I can’t talk to anyone because he always finds out. My ex husband is highly intelligent and finds better ways to manipulate things as we go along. I start to reveal him in new ways and he just learns a new trick. What do I do? If I stand up and fight I could lose the small amount of visitation I have. I actually feel as though my mind is going to shatter from the pain yet I have made it this far. Who can I trust? Do I trust? I feel mute from the agony. There are times that I am in conversation with people and I cannot respond to them. My mouth just shuts because I have no answer to their whys. I don’t know why. I can’t explain how I could look and seem normal and not have my kids. Does it seem to anyone else out there that mothers who have lost their children are treated like they belong with the lowest of human life? Like we are the abusers, like we are infected, judged so harshly by anyone who knows, doors closed at the mention of your name… and all the while I am trying to pick myself back up he still abuses me through texts and phone calls and now his wife is joining him. The insults and endless fighting in text messages between us not only takes up my time but my mental strength. My children are starting to feel the effects of all of this. Does anyone know anything at all that could help me?

]]> By: Sharon Angelina http://speakoutloud.net/child-custody/language-of-resistance-in-family-court#comment-116 Sharon Angelina Sun, 24 Apr 2011 17:17:25 +0000 http://www.speakoutloud.net/?p=876#comment-116 Lisa, my kids were taken from me ten years ago. They have finally, in the past month, turned 18 and have moved back with me. They were telling me they won't be talking to their father anymore, and refuse to have any further relationship with him. I know very well the hell you are going through. When it happened to me in 2001 I thought I was totally alone, and that this didn't happen to anyone but me. Please give me your email. I don't have international calling. My email is peacebabies [at] yahoo.com. Anyone else who wants to talk about custody is welcome to email me as well. Lisa, my kids were taken from me ten years ago. They have finally, in the past month, turned 18 and have moved back with me. They were telling me they won’t be talking to their father anymore, and refuse to have any further relationship with him. I know very well the hell you are going through. When it happened to me in 2001 I thought I was totally alone, and that this didn’t happen to anyone but me.

Please give me your email. I don’t have international calling. My email is peacebabies [at] yahoo.com. Anyone else who wants to talk about custody is welcome to email me as well.

]]> By: Lisa Chowdhry http://speakoutloud.net/child-custody/language-of-resistance-in-family-court#comment-115 Lisa Chowdhry Tue, 29 Mar 2011 10:56:46 +0000 http://www.speakoutloud.net/?p=876#comment-115 I would love to hear from other women that have or are going through hell in relation to their ex and the fact that the court system in this country is not good. I have had my children taken from me through my ex and am getting beyond desperate. Some of you may call me if you feel the need. My name is Lisa +44-1568 611483 I would love to hear from other women that have or are going through hell in relation to their ex and the fact that the court system in this country is not good. I have had my children taken from me through my ex and am getting beyond desperate. Some of you may call me if you feel the need. My name is Lisa +44-1568 611483

]]> By: Autism Custody Battles http://speakoutloud.net/child-custody/language-of-resistance-in-family-court#comment-114 Autism Custody Battles Sun, 25 Jul 2010 15:04:17 +0000 http://www.speakoutloud.net/?p=876#comment-114 Men who threaten to take away the kids are engaging in post separation violence. <a href='http://autismcustodybattles.wordpress.com/2010/07/25/some-men-kill-their-wives-others-steal-the-children' rel="nofollow">It is common for batterers to threaten to take children away from the battered woman by proving her to be an unfit mother.</a> For this reason, some lawyers advise women not to tell courts or mediators about child abuse or domestic abuse because, by doing so, they risk losing custody to the alleged abuser! Men who threaten to take away the kids are engaging in post separation violence. It is common for batterers to threaten to take children away from the battered woman by proving her to be an unfit mother. For this reason, some lawyers advise women not to tell courts or mediators about child abuse or domestic abuse because, by doing so, they risk losing custody to the alleged abuser!

]]> By: Marlene http://speakoutloud.net/child-custody/language-of-resistance-in-family-court#comment-113 Marlene Thu, 20 May 2010 02:39:11 +0000 http://www.speakoutloud.net/?p=876#comment-113 I have had a significant amount of experience writing and teaching community members about domestic violence and continually encounter a difficulty getting people to understand the dynamics and impact of psychological abuse. One way I am dealing with that is giving out a book of poetry I wrote on psychological abuse. It is available free (I have a grant) on my website. You can get to my website by clicking on my name above. If you'd like a hard copy you can contact me through my website. I have had a significant amount of experience writing and teaching community members about domestic violence and continually encounter a difficulty getting people to understand the dynamics and impact of psychological abuse. One way I am dealing with that is giving out a book of poetry I wrote on psychological abuse. It is available free (I have a grant) on my website. You can get to my website by clicking on my name above. If you’d like a hard copy you can contact me through my website.

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