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Questions

by Clare Murphy PhD

Before contacting Clare Murphy – please read this information.

Since starting this website I’ve received an overwhelming number of questions and calls for help. I really do want to reply to everyone personally but realise I can’t commit to doing this. I need to balance what I do for free (this website) with earning a living (consulting, counselling, supervision, trainings, talks, seminars).

There are some common repetitive questions being asked – so before contacting me please check if the following suggestions will address your question. If not, then I welcome your contact.

To understand psychological abuse . . .

please browse the website, and/or use the search function, for answers. To find articles easily click on the Articles tab where I list all the posts under different subjects. Alternatively, click on the SiteMap which also lists all the articles’ links.

To help a woman . . .

you know is in relationship with a man who is psychologically abusing and controlling her, please read the following articles. Depending on the stage she might be at in making sense of the abuse, these articles give tips on how to help her and how she makes sense of the abuse:  Stage 1.       Stage 2.       Stage 3.    Stage 4.    Stage 5.

For support for male victims of violence or sexual abuse . . .

Go to this page for a list of supportive websites and information.

For help with custody or other legal issues . . .

  • Contact your local domestic violence organisation. They may be able to refer you to appropriate legal support and offer you advocacy. Click on the Links page where I’ve listed links to your country — covering 80 languages.
  • For child custody issues Lundy Bancroft and Janice Levinson direct the Protective Mothers Alliance International (PMA). They are devoted to bringing about dramatic reforms in the treatment of abused mothers and their children in family law proceedings.

Is counselling appropriate for regaining control of your life?

Counselling is a great option for regaining control of your life, regaining your lost self and helping deal with controlling people – but only if the counsellor “gets” your experience.

However, not all counsellors are trained in, or understand, the dynamics of one-sided power and control. Many counsellors might give advice as if you are dealing with a partner who is willing to take responsibility and change their behaviours.

There’s a big difference between strategies for dealing with an ex-partner who is trustworthyhonestrespectful, honours your privacy, whom you feel psychologically and physically safe around, and whom you feel completely free to be yourself when you’re around them . . . compared with techniques to deal with someone who does not honour any of these needs.

One place to start when looking for a counsellor is with your local domestic violence agencies. Click here for a list of services in your area. Many domestic violence services provide group programmes for female victims of abuse by male partners. Those programmes often provide an excellent foundation for regaining control of your life.

To consult with Clare personally . . .

Please contact me. I offer consultations via Skype, Phone, Face-to-face, or FaceTime.
I have a sliding fee scale from NZ$120 per hour for International and New Zealand clients. I am negotiable if my fee over-stretches your budget.

Thank you, Clare.

This page was updated 16 January 2014