Before contacting Clare Murphy – please read this information.

Do you have a Comment Policy?

Yes. Please click here

Do you have a standard for comments?

Most certainly. In a world full of spam and trolls, offensive and inappropriate language I am strict about content, language and story. Anything “off-topic” or inappropriate will be deleted.

Do you give free advice?

No. This website is not a forum or an “Agony Aunts” advice column. I do sometimes respond to comments. The SpeakOutLoud website is a free resource full of advice for you to peruse. Since starting this website I’ve received an overwhelming number of questions and calls for help. I really do want to reply to everyone personally but realise I can’t commit to doing this. I need to balance what I do for free (this website) with earning a living consulting, counselling, supervision and conducting trainings, talks, and seminars.

Do I have an opportunity to pay you for advice?

Yes. I Counsel and consult with victims, perpetrators, bystanders, family members and friends. To consult with me personally contact me here.

Do you supervise professionals?

Yes. Please click here.

How can we consult?

I offer consultations globally online via Skype or FaceTime. Internationally and locally by Phone. Face-to-face in Brisbane, Queensland, Australia.

Can I ask you to read my book?

I can not accept any form of unsolicited work for comment or review.

Can I recommend a book?

In the course of commenting on a blog you may put forward a title but be aware that all Post Comments are moderated and edited by me. Anything “off-topic” or inappropriate will be deleted.

Can I send you my personal story?

No. Sometimes I will accept a story as part of a comment exchange if it has merit and adds to the theme of a specific blogpost.

To understand psychological abuse and coercive control . . .

please browse the website, and/or use the search function, for answers. To find archived articles click on the Articles tab where I list all the posts under different subjects. Alternatively, click on the SiteMap which also lists all the archived blog posts.

To help a woman . . .

you know is in relationship with a man who is psychologically abusing and controlling her, please read the following articles. Depending on the stage she might be at in making sense of the abuse, these articles give tips on how to help her and how she makes sense of the abuse:  Stage 1.       Stage 2.       Stage 3.    Stage 4.    Stage 5.

For support for male victims of violence or sexual abuse . . .

Go to this page for a list of supportive websites and information.

Is counselling appropriate for regaining control of your life?

Counselling is a great option for regaining control of your life, regaining your lost self and helping deal with controlling people – but only if the counsellor “gets” your experience.

However, not all counsellors or psychologists are trained in, or understand, the dynamics of one-sided power and control. Many counsellors might give advice as if you are dealing with a partner who is willing to take responsibility and change their behaviours.

There’s a big difference between strategies for dealing with an ex-partner who is trustworthyhonestrespectful, honours your privacy, whom you feel psychologically and physically safe around, and whom you feel completely free to be yourself when you’re around them . . . compared with techniques to deal with someone who does not honour any of these needs.

One place to start when looking for a counsellor is with your local domestic violence agencies. Click here for a list of services in your area. Many domestic violence services provide group programmes for female victims of abuse by male partners. Those programmes often provide an excellent foundation for regaining control of your life.

This page was updated 16th October 2014