SpeakOutLoud

About Coercive Control and Psychological Abuse

Social Institutions & Abuse

The mask many boys and men live behind

– Posted in: Gender socialisation, Male perpetrators, Why does he do it

Dominant social pressures encourage many boys and men to wear a mask. To hide their authentic selves behind a wall. A barrier that prevents getting emotionally close to other men, and to women. Thrust into an unforgiving world of bullying, one-upmanship and power struggles amongst men — Many boys and men learn that to stay [...]

Workplace bullying is similar to domestic violence

– Posted in: Workplace bullying

Workplace bullying entails one person engaging in an ongoing campaign of power and control over someone. The person being bullied feels brow beaten, anxiety, low confidence, stress and feels they're going crazy. The same is true of domestic violence — which entails an ongoing campaign of mostly non-physical tactics that control the victimised person. The [...]

Tactic #15 — How Men Coerce Women into Domestic Slavery and why Equality is the Answer

– Posted in: Gender socialisation, Intimate partner abuse, Male perpetrators, Why does he do it

This is the fifteenth of 16 blogs discussing the patterns of tactics from my power and control wheel — Domestic Slavery. Amongst heterosexual couples, many people believe the man should be the breadwinner (although being the sole breadwinner is really only possible for wealthy families). Alongside this, many people believe the woman should stay at [...]

Tactic #9 — Using Social Institutions and Social Prejudices

– Posted in: Intimate partner abuse, Male perpetrators, Social Institutions & Abuse, Why does he do it

This is the ninth of 16 blogs discussing the patterns of tactics from my power and control wheel – Using Social Institutions and Social Prejudices. Many perpetrators of psychological abuse use social, health, legal and other institutions such as child protection services as arenas to further their coercive control over their intimate partner. They use [...]

Is men’s abuse of female partners an individual problem or a social problem?

– Posted in: Gender socialisation, Male perpetrators, Social Institutions & Abuse, Why does he do it

When we see that a man beats his wife we tend to assume the abuse is the problem of the individuals involved. He has a problem or she has a problem. The same is true if you read a newspaper article about a man who sexually abuses his female partner. Most readers assume the abuse [...]

“Ensuring our manhood stays intact”

– Posted in: Gender socialisation, Male perpetrators, Why does he do it

Men and women are socialised into a society founded on social hierarchies. In the west, those who are considered to have higher status than others are white people, people with higher education, men, people in the middle age range (that is not children and not elderly), people who are physically and mentally able, the rich, [...]

Language women should use in the Family Court

– Posted in: Child custody, Children's exposure to abuse, Social Institutions & Abuse

Most women who attend counselling – to come to terms with their partner’s psychologically abusive and controlling behaviours – often beat up on themselves saying: “I let it happen” and “I feel like I’ve failed”. Women describe feeling emotionally beaten down, shame, guilt, anger, sadness, depression, lack of confidence, insecure, discouraged, defeated, desperate, fearful, anxious [...]

Why do so many women lose custody battles?

– Posted in: Child custody, Children's exposure to abuse, Social Institutions & Abuse

Why are so many women who are psychologically abused and controlled by male partners losing court battles for custody of their children? Whether men deliberately aim to gain and maintain power and control or not, this is the effect on women. If you look at the hierarchies of power and control in nearly every social [...]

Book review: Not of my making: Bullying, scapegoating and misconduct in churches

– Posted in: Belief in a Just World, Bullying in Churches

Here I write a review of Dr. Margaret W. Jones's book about her experience of abuse within church communities. My first impressions when I received this memoir to review were that it was a heavy long 400-page book with small writing so I thought it better be good! I was surprised that a Reverend had [...]

Interview with a woman who was bullied and scapegoated in churches

– Posted in: Belief in a Just World, Social Institutions & Abuse

The following is an interview I conducted with Margaret Jones PhD, who has written a book about her experiences titled: Not of my making: Bullying, scapegoating and misconduct in Churches. Clare: What were the tactics of bullying, scapegoating, misconduct and psychological abuse that you experienced as the target of those tactics? Margaret: My adversaries refused [...]

The Emperor has no clothes on

– Posted in: Belief in a Just World, Gender socialisation, Intimate partner abuse, Male perpetrators, Social Institutions & Abuse, Warning signs of abuse

In 2001 I interviewed women who had left their psychologically abusive and controlling male partners/husbands. Before marrying, most of the women had total belief in their partner – because he was a man. The women said this belief was socially encouraged. For example one woman said: "Over the time that I was with him my [...]

Fear and shame: The lifeblood that keeps men’s control over others alive

– Posted in: Fear and shame, Gender socialisation, Male perpetrators, Social Institutions & Abuse, Why does he do it

If you have had abusive life experiences it is highly possible you were left with a legacy of fear and shame. Until you embark on a journey of healing this legacy by developing awareness, wisdom and empathy for yourself and others, these feelings may have led you down one of two tracks - to conformity [...]