Comments on: Fear and shame: The lifeblood that keeps ‘power and control’ alive

By: A victim’s view — SpeakOutLoud about psychological abuse

A victim’s view — SpeakOutLoud about psychological abuse — Fri, 27 Jan 2012 01:30:04 +0000

[...] Murphy writes about fear and shame being, “…the lifeblood that keeps power and control alive”. Society’s message that “counsellors should have it all together” has been a major [...]

By: Clare

Clare — Sat, 16 May 2009 09:23:14 +0000

Hi Louisa … Yes, you’re exactly right – bystanders rightly have something to fear. Some men I interviewed for my PhD research said they believed they had the right to treat their partners the way they did, that it was no one else’s business and that they had physically beaten up some male bystanders who intervened (whether they were strangers, friends or family). On the other hand, a violent reaction was not always the case. Additionally, some of the men said any time others intervened, planted a seed that contributed to engaging in future change.

By: Louisa

Louisa — Sat, 16 May 2009 07:30:35 +0000

In your list of reasons why you think bystanders do not do anything when they see situations of one-sided power and control, I think you also need to add that bystanders are themselves in fear of the controller/abuser and just want an easy life and not to get involved. It´s always very hard to see bystanders acting this way and specially if they are/were supposed friends, but unfortunately in situations involving bullying and instilling fear, this often happens, and they will be afraid to be targeted and made MORE afraid themselves. However if bystanders were to be made aware of the huge differences they could make by speaking up for truth in whatever way is appropriate in their situations, then they might do more. More awareness is needed in order to make the world a better place. Thanks for your intelligent website, I am sure many people find it helpful :0)