Welcome to SpeakOutLoud

You’ve reached a place where you can find out about coercive control, emotional abuse, domestic violence, workplace bullying, and more . . . along those lines.


Not everyone is safe and free. Huge numbers of people live in fear. Trapped, damaged and in pain. Isolated by perpetrators who are not free either. Masked, driven control freaks lashing out; unhappy like their victims. They emotionally abuse and coercively control as a way to feel safe. But when they get real – and slip their quest for power and control – they have to admit they are not truly free or safe themselves.

SpeakOutLoud is for You . . .

This website aims to SpeakOutLoud about the dynamics and effects of coercive control and psychological abuse. This website is for victims. It is about validating and supporting you and hearing your stories. This website is for perpetrators. It is about hearing the stories of perpetrators who want to change, are changing or have changed. This website is for friends and family of victims and perpetrators. This is so you will better know how to detect psychological abuse and control and know how to respond. This is a place for you to ask questions and tell your stories. This website is to educate professionals who may not fully understand the big dynamic of the traumatising and damaging effects of emotional abuse and control. By professionals I mean counsellors, psychologists, social workers, legal professionals who might have clients dealing with issues relating to power and control. Also for academics – lecturers and researchers to build your resources – to ask questions and be heard too. This website aims to add support to the knowledge of professionals who already know about the dynamics of emotional abuse and power and control. Professionals such as stopping abuse programme facilitators, university lecturers who teach about domestic violence and other professionals in the field who can use every shred of new knowledge in the ever shifting ground walked by wily perpetrators and their innocent victims. Your expertise makes a valuable contribution to diminishing these problems. May your voices be heard on this website too.

SpeakOutLoud is Shouting about Coercive Control and Psychological Abuse

This is a vast problem that permeates society. And I wish I could address every aspect of power and control for everyone and change the world! However, I can only blog about what I know. So there will be a greater focus on subjects related to my Masters and PhD research. That means I will discuss heterosexual men who perpetrate emotional abuse and control against their female partners. And I will discuss heterosexual women who have been victimised by these same behaviours. Please note that these discussions do NOT mean that all men are abusive and all women are victims. Power and control is also perpetrated by: mothers, fathers, children, grandparents, teachers, peers, friends, sports coaches, business owners, bosses, colleagues, school bullies, husbands, wives, neighbours, and more. I will explore controllers and issues of power and control in these and other environments. So I will be writing about parenting defiant children when the parent wants to be right and so does the child. I will post links and information about workplace bullying and school bullying. I will talk about connections between school bullying, workplace bullying, sports violence and domestic violence.

Ask the hard questions

Power and control issues are not always the same. What are its complexities? How do you identify it? Is it always bad or abusive? Are you perpetrating it? How do you know if you are, or not? What is the difference between a relationship marked by one-sided power and control, and a healthy relationship where there’s occasional problems? What place does gender, sexuality, race and socio-economic status have in the dynamics of power and control? What tactics do men use who control their female partners? How do women cope when their male partner psychologically abuses and controls them? What role do journalists, teachers and sports coaches have in enabling school bullying and domestic violence to occur? Why do women stay with abusive partners? Why do men need to be controlling? How do you set boundaries with control freaks? Why should you? What is the relevance of shame in motivating men or women to be controlling? What are the physical and psychological effects for victims of coercive control and emotional abuse?

To find out more about Clare and this SpeakOutLoud website click on the following:

Counselling with Clare
Clare’s talks
Clare’s story
Clare’s qualifications
Clare’s philosophy
Clare’s work as a researcher
Contact Clare

This page updated 9th August 2014

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